Til death do us part

You cannot get anything past kids.

Christ.

Tonight Lily and I were getting ready to go out for ice cream, because I'd had a shitty day and needed to self medicate with chocolate sprinkles. Lil asked me for the umpeenth time when I was going to have a baby. I told her, well, sweetie, if I ever do have another baby, it's not going to be for a while. Because who would be the daddy of the baby?

And she said, well, it wouldn't be my daddy. Because you are not married to my daddy anymore.

I said, Yes, sweetie. That's right. I'm not.

We almost made it out of the house alive, but then she snagged me with the 64 thousand dollar question. Like a tranquilizer dart filled with Sodium Penthanol, right to the neck. Goddamn it.

Lily (scrunching up nose, deep in thought): Mama, when you married daddy, didn't you make a promise to stay married forever?

Shit.

Mom: Well, yes, baby. We did.

Lily: So...why didn't you, then?

Mom (sweating profusely suddenly in armpits.
Is something burning?): Well, baby...see, here's the thing. Grownups sometimes do silly things.

(Here I pause. Choose words carefully, as not to paint father as unfeeling asshole unnecessarily at expense of innocent child, and just to make myself somehow feel better for a second because I'm resentful that these questions always seem to get chucked at me.)

People sometimes make promises and realize that they can't keep those promises...it doesn't mean they don't still love each other, or that your dad and I don't love you...we just can't be husband and wife anymore. But we'll always be (gulp) your parents. OK?

Lily: I want rainbow sherbet.

Sounds fucking delish.