This is the newest sensation that's sweeping my house. We had family game night tonight and just when I was beginning to feel around on the floor for a discarded sewing needle, a piece of broken glass, anything sharp I might be able to stick in my eye to detract from the lobotomizingly boring game I was engaged in,
I. rolled. yet. another. five.
See, with this fucking game, you have to all take turns tossing a six-sided die (which, by the way, is super fun to do with a four-and-three-quarter-year-old who believes that the more she shakes the die, blows on it, and the further she throws it, the greater her chances will be of getting a good number), and each number you get corresponds with a Cootie piece: you throw a four, you get to pick your cootie eyes. You throw a two, you get a head. A five gets you antennae. Problem is, once you get the antennae, if you keep on tossing a five every time your goddamned turn comes around, you don't get to do shit. You just pass the die on to the next sucker as you become increasingly bored and angry at a vengeful god.
And you start wondering
a. how even a small child could find anything appealing about this brain-smackingly retarded game, and
b. if anyone would notice/complain if you took a slug of tequila each time you "visited the bathroom".
And you start thinking of other ways to make Cootie interesting.*
For example...
Take the Cootie box.
It is really the perfect size for, I dunno, a small animal, isn't it?
Say...
It might be fun to go spend some time out in front of your apartment building a while, catch yourself a squirrel, place him in the Cootie box, and let him, you know, "hang out" in there while you all take turns rolling the dice.
(Note: He might not like it).
Then let's change the Cootie rules a little here. Just for fun.
Let's say the next person to roll a five has to, I don't know, open the box.
I really, really think that would really make the game a hell of a lot more interesting.
*This inventive idea courtesy of this guy.
