That was an accident.

Sorry about that blanky mcmystery post, guys. I wrote something, then deleted it because it was stupid, but accidentally hit 'publish'; then my computer was feeling ornery and every time I tried to go back and delete the post itself, the internetz crashed on me!

Goddamned bastards!

So then I said fuck it, I have better things to do. Like watch youtube videos of bedbugs.

Oh, but more on that later.

Anyway, I assure you that my strange black hole of a post was not a philosphical experiment in headfuckery, though I am thrilled that you guys think I have enough flickering brain cells left to pull that off. Ah, if only I could give you all a soft, patronizing pat on the head for that one. Or a loving tap on the heinie. To show my great and abiding appreciation.

Anyway, I've just been busy busy busy. I cannot tell you how much time I have spent on Google this week researching bedbugs, convinced that I must have a little army of them burrowed in my mattress or light switch (they can hide in there!), or pillows or something. This research takes up so much of my time, I hardly have the energy for anything else.

I have been waking up for the last week with angry clusters of welty, itching bites all over my hips, butt and back. I don't know what the hell is going on. I changed my facebook status last week to say something like, "I hope it's just a spider bite!" and about 12 of my helpful friends commented that spider bite my ass, it sure as heck sounded like bedbugs.

Yet, a thorough search of my bed, floor, walls, bookshelves, drawers, pillows and couch revealed nothing. No indication of anything amiss. Not even bedbug larvae or a dead stray guy or anything. I did however find an overdue library book. That was nice.

So the itching continues. It's killing me. Tea Tree Oil and Caladryl are not alleviating my discomfort, but are staining my clothes and making me smell like the Whole Foods.

On the upside, the kid seems unaffected. So, maybe it's hives? eczema? Or shit, maybe it's that flesh-eating bacteria. That would be just my luck. Now that I think about it, that's probably it.