I'm sloooowly, sloooowly getting the hang of domestic life. Like, it's really only taken me 8 months to realize that if I leave the laundry basket (whether its filled with laundry or not) on the floor next to the washing machine, the cats are gonna pee in it. Every time.
And I've got quite the garden growing out back which is yielding numerous sweet cucumbers and a teeny tiny pepper, which didn't taste rancid or anything!
Fetal cucumber. Go ahead, make the dick joke. I know you want to.
Behold: Magic tropic heat makes green things grow good!!
As you can see, greenery grows rampant in the wilds of southern Louisiana, whether you help it along or not. So you'd have to be a complete ass to do what I did in the front yard. Or, you could just be me.
We bought these two giant feaux clay pots to put perennials in and stick in the bald spots in front of the house where we don't have any other shit growing. They were kick ass: plastic but you couldn't even tell! And they had the perfect weathered-bohemian-yet-still-tasteful look of something purchased at Pottery Barn instead of Wal-Mart (shhh. Don't tell though).
So I put some pretty flowers in there and waited for the magic to happen. Except I forgot one thing. To drill a hole in the bottom of each pot. So, every time it rained, which it does just about every goddamned day around 4 pm here, the pots got more and more full of rank, mossy, slime-filled mudwater that had nowhere to go. Soon it started to overflow onto the lawn. And all the flowers turned brown and crispy and promptly croaked. And then came the smell.
Oh, the smell. Like horse manure left to decay in a bog...a smell that actually stings your nose with its foulness. This is what I picture zombies would smell like.
So, I spent this afternoon dumping out fetid, stagnant slop from inside these pots so that we could drill the holes in the bottom we should've drilled at the start.
And I got some fresh dirt and new flowers that got plopped into the pots, even though I could swear I could hear tiny screams coming from their tangled roots: No!!! WE DON'T WANT TO DIE LIKE THIS!!!
So, we'll see. At least I grew some vegetables though. One step closer to my dream of living off the land. Right? Right???
1 week ago