Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Just my two cents.

I was driving through the great state of Texas the other day, where everything, they tell me, is bigger. Even the pro-lifers, apparently. I mean, if I'm to go by the multitude of bumper stickers I saw on the I-10. Jeez, man.

Now, I'm happy for you to practice whatever religion churns your butter and helps you be a better person, get through this crazy life of ours, yada yada yada. It's when you splash your beliefs on the back of your car that I get my hackles up. Especially if the information you're proclaiming isn't exactly accurate.

The bumper sticker in question had a large face of an angelic looking little blonde-haired-blue-eyed baby smack in the middle of it (why are they always white babies? I mean, they are, though) and said, "ABORTION STOPS MY BEATING HEART!"

Now. Let's be fair here.

No, it actually doesn't.

No, 6-month-old baby with a couple of brand new teeth and the ability to smile and giggle and suck from a nipple and breathe on your own...no, abortion does not stop your heart.

Now, take a photo of, say, a date-sized fetus, all veiny and pulpy and grey looking and put that on a bumper sticker, and yes, I'll agree. An abortion would, in fact, stop that heart from beating. But it's funny...I've never actually seen a fetus on a bumper sticker.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

oh, oh, it's magic...

Have you ever tried Rain organic vodka? Well, it comes in a luuurvely bottle that looks like it was hand made by a glass blower in...wherever it is that glass blowing is popularly practiced. It has a blue glass stopper and it looked so pretty sitting there on the shelf at the liquor store, its crystal clear liquid swirling pristinely, beckoning and taunting: "Come on...I've been distilled seven times. SEVEN! I'm organic, and you know what that means: Health Food. That's right! Vodka is now good for you!"

I just had to have it. Me, the born-again vodka drinker, washed anew after having discovered diet tonic (woot! buh-bye calorie-laden cabernet, 'red to the lips, right to the hips' no more!), I was so excited I almost uncorked that shit in the car home, just to see if it was as magical as its packaging promised.

Well. Two drinks last night, and I wasn't feeling a thing. No floaty-I'm-really-pretty sensation which is my usual result from a couple VTs. So, I had another. And then, yep. One more. Mistake. I went to the bathroom damn if the bed didn't look so cozy and sweet to me...

I woke up at 4 am with a hammering in my skull, and the beginning of what might be the worst hangover I've had in years.

I hate you, organic vodka. Die a thousand deaths.