Saturday, April 11, 2009

Easter Thug

Tonight we wrote a letter to the Easter Bunny, instructing him to please take the stinky pink and blue and lavender eggs sitting in the basket on the kitchen table and hide them "in a place where no one will find them" (this was Lily's request).

We left him a plate of baby carrots and a handful of Puffins cereal and I reminded her that EB would only come if she went to sleep early.

Then she asked, "Mama, how is the Easter Bunny gonna get in our house?"

This is a question I hate. Living in an apartment in New York City doesn't really allow for working within the framework of the Santa-coming-down-the-chimney scenario, or the Easter Bunny hopping in from...wherever he hops in from. All our holiday characters climb in the window from the fire escape like cat burglars and it doesn't exactly enhance the fantasy.

So I gestured toward the kitchen window. "I left it open a crack, so he could get in that way, see?"

Lily was horrified. She hopped up from the kitchen stool and promptly removed all the little plastic Princess statues from the window sill and transported them into her room.

When she came back I was smiling. "Is that so the Easter Bunny will have an easier time getting into the house, baby?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No. It's so he doesn't steal them."

I bit my lip. "Honey, he isn't going to steal your toys."

"Well, what if he does? What if he comes in the window and takes all my candy? Should we hide everything?"

Christ, Almighty. So I spent the next 20 minutes explaining that just because the Easter Bunny comes in through the kitchen window like a convicted felon, it doesn't mean he's gonna steal our stuff.

But getting her to sleep totally sucked, because every creak or cat mewl she heard had her convinced that the Easter Bunny was arriving ahead of schedule to make off with her Barbie Trans Am or Polly Pocket cruise ship.

Holidays shouldn't be this complicated.

7 comments:

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Whatever you do, don't ever let her hear about that "Now I lay me down to sleep" prayer.

xl said...

I am so hoping that Mr Bunny does the right thing and leaves lots and lots of candy and eggs. That is, instead of giving in to temptation and cleaning the place out.

Hope you guys have a nice Easter.

rkintn said...

I hope EB doesn't clean you guys out, hides the eggs so no one can find them and leaves you so much candy that you don't run out til Halloween! Happy Easter:)

Jack said...

You just said stinky pink and puffins in the same post. And crack, actually. Carry on, then.

I'm Scooter, but I might be a troll. said...

Ok. I think Sadie and Violet are going to learn that The Easter Bunny and Santa sub-contract their franchise out to their parents. See, that way, we aren't lying to the girls (as much), there's no breaking and entering (Metro Detroit), and when it comes time to disabuse them of the fantasy, they are already prepared.

Prunella Jones said...

Hey, Lil's got the right idea. I've never trusted the Easter Bunny either. There's a very shifty look in those wascally wabbit eyes if you ask me. And those baskets are a very convenient place to hide the goods.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

I had the most awesome GI Joe collection of all time as a kid and then one Easter it was gone... Damn Bunny!!!