Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I ask for so little in this life...

I will be SO PISSED if they end up closing the Queens County schools because of this swine flu bullshit. Mostly because having a kid at home will keep me from enjoying my newest favorite pastime, watching trashy TV at the gym.

I don't have cable, so I inhale the rot-yer-brain crap that's shown on the workout-vision TV sets that are conveniently built into the machines at my gym. This is amazing to me. You simply plug in your headphones and you have access to reality TV, soaps and about 9 different court shows. I don't know if I love working out now, or if I just spend an extra 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer because I just HAVE to see how that paternity test came out on Judge Hatchett. Either way, my ass thanks you.

Have you guys ever seen Steve Wilkos? I love this guy! I think I am having the same kind of weird masochistic sexual fixation on him that I had on the meat cart guy near the playground in my neighborhood; he's big, bald, sweaty, unabashedly masculine, and looks like he'd smell like a steak kebab. He flips over chairs when he gets pissed at the irresponsible babymamas on his show, but he's also tender and sweet with, say, the gangbanger who kicked his pregnant girlfriend in the belly, but really, really wants help to get out of the thug life, ya know?

It's really engaging. I can't get enough.

Even though a lot of moms go to my gym, I think I'm probably the only woman crying on the treadmill because I'm so moved by the transformation of a teen prostitute or because I've seen justice given to the woman who sued over the $200 faulty weave that made her very hair fall out of her head.

Thank you, Fitness Center, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

8 comments:

BeautifulWreck said...

Very funny! I actually spent extra time on the elliptical today to see the end of Dr. Phil. It's actually nice to watch something and not be interrupted, even if you are sweating profusely while you do it.

I'm Scooter, but I might be a troll. said...

If there were a "Mythbusters" channel at a local gym, I would be able to bench 500 pounds.

Pronto said...

hmmmmmm,

you don't look anything like the girl that used to 'hang out' at my meat cart !!!

just sayin'

rkintn said...

The whole flu thing scares the bejeebus outta me. So does the gym LOL I guess watching that smut on the treadmill is far better than watching it in the recliner LOL I hope everything goes okay:)

PS Me and the kids usually end up hooked on syndicated sitcoms..think Malcolm in the Middle and Bernie Mac LMAO

jeremy said...

i'm so kicking his mister clean ass...

ty bluesmith said...

dude i am ADDICTED to steve wilkos.

"GET OFF MY STAGE!!"

Prunella Jones said...

I hear you!(And heart you!)

Although I prefer The Maury Povitch show because I love the trashy victory dances the guys do when they prove not to be the father of little DeRayRay Junior.

Bunny Hugger said...

They are closing the schools for that? I thought it was like chicken pox where you have the party and get the kids infected and.... oops...