Wednesday, May 6, 2009

There's Motherfuckin' Swine Flu on this Motherfuckin' Plane!!!

I was traveling this weekend and was startled/entertained/confused by the number of people I encountered in various airports across America (because I'm a jet-setter, doncha know...actually, no. I just buy my tickets on Priceline and cannot afford a direct flight anywhere so I get to see the insides of various airports as I run to connecting gates spilling my Starbucks all over me) sporting this look.

Now, come on, people. Really?

When my plane descended into Laguardia, I launched into a mini-sneezing fit because recirculated air always makes my nostrils itchy, and the woman next to me was practically turning herself inside out trying to avoid sharing any breathing air with me in such a confined space. I gently wiped my nose, put my hand over hers and patted it, saying, "Don't worry. I think the meds I'm taking have made me less (cough, cough) contagious." Then I planted a big, wet french mouthkiss on her.

I'm not trying to make less of this potential pandemic (okay, yes, I am), but I do think people are overreacting just a weensy bit here.

I found this website that actually sells "Swine Flu Masks". Click here if you want some of that shit, but warning...limit three per customer! So, you and your husband and child are safe. But your baby is shit out of luck.

But you can buy some of these instead.

Hey, get an extra one for your babysitter and see what kind of long-term damage you can inflict on your child's emotional development while keeping him all Swine and Dandy and flu-free!


jeremy said...

those masks are soooooeet!

I'm Scooter, but I might be a troll. said...

That pun is un-boar-able.

The H1N1 influenza variant which originated in Mexico seems to be as easily transmissible as regular seasonal flu, which by the way, kills 36,000 Americans every year. However, it appears that the H1N1 influenza variant is only as dangerous as the regular flu.

The H5N1 influenza variant, commonly known as the bird flu, is much harder to contract, but is much more deadly than either the regular seasonal flu and the H1N1 variant.

If H5N1 were to exchange genetic material inside of a poor bastard that is also infected with either the H1N1 variant or seasonal flu, a new variant could be produced that is just as transmissible as regular flu, and just as deadly as bird flu.

Or, it could produce a variant that is just as transmissible as bird flu and as dangerous as swine flu.

It all depends on how many times it happens, and how many people are nearby an infected region.

So... wash your hands, but for God's sake, stop freaking out complete strangers.

It might happen, but lots of things might happen. Just be on the lookout.

Pronto said...


i don't know.... the girl in the white shirt is kinda hot, mask or not....

just sayin'

kay zee said...

A mask with a pig's snout on it would also make me LOL

Vegas Linda Lou said...

People are nuts. Period. Love the smiley mask, though!

Prunella Jones said...

I'm not paranoid enough for masks yet.

Did stock up on Vitamin C though, just in case. And wine. If it turns out that I'm gonna die, I want to be drunk while doing it.

Wow, that was awkward said...

You should have oinked at everyone wearing masks.

xl said...

Happy Mother's Day, Krissy! :)