Thursday, January 29, 2009

More things said in bed

We can't seem to stay off the topic of conception these days. My kid has a knack for asking the really difficult questions right as we are both drifting off to sleep.

Last night she wanted to know where she was before she was in my belly.

Um.

I told her that her spirit was waiting for me to be ready for her. (???)

At hearing this, she got a little freaked out, asking, "So, I was a GHOST?!"

I explained that, no, your spirit is like your soul, your essence, who you are before you have a body (Jesus Christ, are five year olds supposed to ask such philosphical questions?)

Then she thought about this, and said, "Ok. So, how did my soul get inside your belly then?"

How would you have answered that question?

I'm in a crappy mood today, by the way. It's been cold as a bitch in the city and it keeps on snowing. It makes me feel itchy all over and long to run away to a beach somewhere warm.

But hey, at least I don't have cello scrotum.

17 comments:

The Third String said...

Perhaps you should have taken a different approach, suggesting that your soul is originally sort of an esoteric star stuff, and that when a baby is conceived, the process is so powerful that it pulls from this star stuff and spontaneously creates a soul. How you would translate that to fiveyearoldese is beyond me, but it's a little easier track to follow.

One of us is a troll. said...

... Or you could tell her about her father's semen and your oocyte. Use the medical terminology strictly, and it might be less challenging.

Dear God, what are Kim and I going to tell Sadie and the forthcoming baby?!

Sproactually said...

I just want to reassure you, that as a parent, your pretty much doomed. But cheer up, the doomed parents club is very big, and we love new members.

It's time to move that subject matter to "something that adults do, and it just happens" Let it run it's course and bring it up again at middle school time.

ty bluesmith said...

be all like well umm you're actually your dead greatgrandma reincarnated and that's why you like rhubarb pie and general grant.

Jack said...

Well, first, you should have sang her the Monty Python sperm song.

Then I think I would've gone a science route. Energy into matter/spermatogenesis/the fifteenth squirt/random xy chromosome selection...

How's Micky going to feel about your religious views?

Booya said...

At least you didn't tell her she was in her dads nutsack, that might have been a bit much.

Krissyface said...

String, I like the idea of us all being stars. I'm a superstar.

Scoot, I haven't a clue what you're gonna tell the kids. My advice is just to go with whatever's in your heart. Awww.

Steve, always the optimist!

Ty, I was wondering why she was into needlepoint and calling black people 'negroes'.

Jack, So tell me about this fifteenth squirt...

Booya, gross. Thanks for making me think of her father's nutsack.
Ick.

your friend, peggy said...

My advice is to buy this book.

http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763613215/ref=pd_bbs_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1233265037&sr=8-2

My A dog just loves this one, and we poke through it from time to time when she has an interest. I have no answer for you on the 'how did the spirit get into you' thing, but I can tell you this cool biological fact:

When your mom was pregnant with you, all the eggs you would ever have were already in your tiny fetus ovaries. That means that before you were even born, Lily's egg was in you, in your mom. So, in that way, she's been around for a long time. A dog also likes this fact.

xo

KatieSaysSo said...

just found your blog!!! love it!!! =) look forward to reading more!

Krissyface said...

P--so glad to have you hear! I will totally get that book. I need all the help I can get.

I find that Dr. Google and Dr. Wiki are also extremely helpful with some of the difficult questions. Dr. Google allows us to look for illustrative images of anatomy, but I of course must be careful when googling pictures of "intercourse". Um. Yeah.

Katie, Welcome!!!

Krissyface said...

I meant glad to have you HERE. But also, that you're hearing. That's good too. Jesus.

nitewalk6 said...

Some people find that telling kids the facts grosses them out so much that they will not believe you. TMI I guess

Jack said...

My urologist says you keep about 15 ejaculations in your vas deferens' at any time. So after they cut your tubes, you've got at least 15 squirts where you're still shooting hollow-points. I'll show you. No, wait. That might get me killed.

Effortlessly Average said...

Well, if it had been my daughter who asked, the answer would have had to be "after a night of Jaeger shots and a Wang Chung concert." heh.

Slacktastic said...

She seems young to be asking all that. I'd stick with the whole stork that lives in a candy cane forest for now. In fact, I think that is a lot cooler anyway.

Prunella Jones said...

Your kid is smart and a thinker. she's never going to quit asking you difficult questions. You could tell her that no one knows for sure, but that that is one of the mysteries that people enjoy pondering and ask what her ideas are. Or you could just tell her that she was in baby heaven spinning the wheel to see where and to who she would be born. That's the way I like to picture it anyway.

Memphis Steve said...

I knew a guy who had cello scrotum once. Of course, he was humping the damn thing.