Monday, February 11, 2008

He's a sociopath, but he's such a funny sociopath



My sister and I have a well-documented history (legally, in some cases) of attracting undesirable men. I'm working on breaking this trend, with the help of a therapist and this "club" that has these "steps", and also I'm considering electroshock treatment. But dang, it's hard work. Especially when there are just so many of these dudes lurking around every corner, wagging their tongues and waving at me with left hands bearing white marks on fingers where wedding rings have been twisted off and hidden in a pocket.

I have spent a lot of money and time trying to figure out why a certain type of man appeals to me. I have to remind myself that it's ok to go out and enjoy a meal with a man who might actually be able to cough up the money to pay for it. Or who isn't going to bang on my door at 3 in the morning tripping and asking me to "talk him down". I still find myself staring with cock-eyed disbelief when a man does this thing with me called "telling the truth".

I think part of my problem is, I like drama. I've been with the the stable, 2 car-garage type of guy, but I just can't stay interested; my boyfriend from college now lives in suburban New York and has a teaching job and three kids. (He was also afraid of bridges.)I'd have made him completely miserable. Kicked his ass up and down our tree-lined Westchester street just to break the monotony. Now that's just not fair (to me).

My sister was married at one time to a guy we'll call "Chet". Now, Chet was a total sociopath. But he was so freaking funny, you just couldn't help but enjoy his company. Chet did the craziest things, like smuggling tons of frozen steaks and fish fillets in his pants from the Ground Round when he was working there, just so we could have really good dinners when we came to his house. He had a way of justifying the (often illegal) things he did. He would play these elaborate and terrible tricks on my sister, like where he'd pretend to go to work in the morning and drive his car down the street, park it, and then sneak back into the house via the bathroom window, and wait behind the shower curtain so that when she got up to get ready, he'd pop out and scare the living shit out of her. Now, that is deeply disturbing, but so rich with creativity and humor I can hardly stand it.

See, this is the problem. I shouldn't find this kind of behavior funny or redeemable in any way. I at least can recognize now that my current life's work involves keeping the Chets of the world out of my personal sphere. It's getting easier, but it ain't no walk in the park, man.

8 comments:

So@24 said...

Those types of people always keep us on our toes; which inevitably lead to more interesting lives.

jeremy said...

cock-eyed. heh.

Scooter said...

Well, hey. If impulsive, poorly thought out behavior that negatively affects society is your kind of kink... go for it.

Just wear a helmet.

Krissyface said...

So@24...I agree that they do make life more interesting...I'm not sure it's the kind of interesting I'm looking for at this point in my life, but yeah, that is certainly true...

Jeremy...what are you tryin' to say? Huh? Huh?

Scooter...I believe you were the one that said one in four people was a sociopath. So that's bummer news for me. Or maybe it's good news. Depends on my mood.

Scooter said...

One in four hundred, actually.

Scooter said...

I meant... four in one hundred.

oestrebunny said...

Sneaking back to fleg her, undeniably crazy but it's damn funny.

Got give him points for effort on that one.

They do make life more interesting but sometimes I think I'd settle for the mediocrity of normal.

Mister Underhill said...

Sounds endearing to me, but I generally like the evil ones.