Monday, June 16, 2008

Balls

So Lily and I are sitting on the couch. She's sitting on my lap, facing me, holding a package of circular shaped stickers with animal faces on them, and she's systematically placing the stickers all over my face. Then she puts two on my chest. She points and says, "Mama, are those your testicles?"

Taken slightly aback, I say, "Um, no, honey. No, those are not my testicles."

I decide not to ask where she picked up the word. I assume she picks this stuff up on the street anyway.
(Plus, I'm wicked proud that she used the proper terminology, instead of asking if those were my balls or my nads or my 'junk', so I'm kind of reveling in that...so cool, right?!).

I explain that women don't have testicles. Then I ask if she actually knows what they are.

"No. What are they?"

So, we go to the computer and I google "images of testicles".

Then before I hit go, I'm like, wait, what the fuck am I thinking?

So I change the search to 'male anatomy'. This wonderful page comes up, courtesy Dr. Wiki.



I point to the different parts of the male body and the female body, and attempt to explain the purpose of each set of genitalia, as gently and simply as possible. Then I tell her that the man and the woman can actually use these organs if they want to make a baby, and isn't that cool?

"EW!" She said. "Can we PLEASE go to Barbie Dressup.com now?"

And mother's attempt at imparting valuable reproductive information is thwarted once again.

18 comments:

Sproactually said...

This is just like finding a time bomb, you know the one, with the big ben clock and curly red wires, with the word BOMB stenciled on it.

You know you should just leave it be, but no, you have to pick it up, and at least shake it.

So just how long have you been this bursting Freudian example of repressed sexual tensions? What, about 2, maybe 3 years now? Guess what, it gets worse. You should be a raving sex fiend by the time you hit 40.

Don't lose my number... it might come in handy...

Scooter said...

You seem to be implying that being a raving sex fiend is somehow a bad thing.

Kris, she'll want to know everything about penises and vaginae soon enough. Cherish this simpler time with your daughter, for it surely will not last.

Chele said...

Gosh you got to love children, I laughed so hard when I read Lily´s question. Its adorable, yet I wonder where she heard it from

Memphis Steve said...

She could have heard the word just about anywhere these days. At least you tried to make something constructive and useful out of the whole thing. Someday she'll appreciate it. Just not yet.

Jack said...

Dr Wiki? DR Wiki?! I don't believe that man ever went to medical school.

flounder said...

I hate when I hear kids on the street using terms like "testicles", "penis" and "vagina". They sound like a bunch of little potty-mouths!

Krissyface said...

Steve, Just because I was attempting to impart valuable information that I was not given by my own parents to my wonderful child, that does NOT make me a sex fiend. Even though I am a sex fiend.

Scoot, Good point. Remember Slim Goodbody though? If he was still on, it would save me a heap of teachin.

Chele, She says such funny things, I was hardly fazed by it ... of course I was fazed enough to blog about it.

Steve, probably she heard it from one of her uncles. He was probably using it affectionately as a descriptive name for her father. "You are such a testicle."

Jack, No. No. I don't either.

Flounder, yes, those street words are so offensive. Yesterday a bunch of kids in front of the high school were calling each other "Vas Deferens" and threatening each other with switchblades. It was darned scary.

jeremy said...

in her defense, ken isn't that well endowed. probably scared her.

Jack said...

I'm with Jeremy. She may need assurance that mommy doesn't need to take it all at once.

catscratch diva said...

Adorable. It's persistence and patience that wins the race.

All the good things you do now will be very helpful in the long run, beautiful!

Obesio said...

I prefer the cartoon drawings of the man and the woman in Peter Mayle's "Where Did I Come From."

Kimber said...

Good mom. I am going to be matter of fact about all that "junk" from the beginning with Sadie, when she is ready for the info. I have been the go-to adult of some friends teens because they were comfortable talking to me about it. I love it!

Warped Mind of Ron said...

If this topic ever came up around my little niece I followed any good and educational information with the fact that Men are pigs. Got to get the point across while they are still young you know.

Alice said...

My GirlChild pretty much had the same response after she saw a picture of an egg and sperm. "Mom, I don't want any of those in me!"

Weilding said...

Gosh darnit. I keep telling them to take that image of me off that website! They never credit me and I never got paid! At least they airbrushed out most of my pubes...

Krissyface said...

Jeremy, you haven't seen the Kens in our house.

Jack, Ew. That reminds me of the time I found my mother's diaphragm when my best friend and I were snooping in the linen closet. My best friend (we were maybe 11) told me it was something that fit over my dad's penis. Now, if you've ever seen a diaphragm, you know it's a lot bigger than the head of a penis. I just about fell flat on my face and thought, "I am NEVER having sex."

That lasted...well, not that long.

Cat, thank you. I thought I done good.

Obesio, have to check that one out. Will Lily like it?

Kim, I totally wanna be that mom too.

Ron, I hope she doesn't grow up thinking all men are pigs. They aren't. I mean, most of them, yes. But not all. I think. Maybe.

Alice, omg... And with good reason...

Jack said...

I remember when I found my dad's zippered bikini underpants...

me said...

i love it when kids use proper terminology!
"Boys have penis' and girls have vaginas." --Kindergarten Cop cracks me up...!