I picked up a local newspaper while I was visiting upstate New York this weekend. And on the cover page was a very interesting story about Bigfoot sightings in the area. A couple of local rednecks--er, residents-- are quite convinced they've been seeing what they believe to be a 7 foot Sasquatch chilling out on their properties. Of course it also might be a large naked homeless man rooting through their garbage and eating their pet food, but they are so certain it is the actual Bigfoot, they've even got the local company Searching for Bigfoot, Inc.. on the case.
Thank goodness.
As it happens, Searching For Bigfoot, Inc. is the only fully operational mobile Bigfoot hunter in upstate New York...abundantly appointed with tasers, night-vision goggles, thermal imagers, tranquilizer guns and a biopsy gun, which shoots a dart to collect skin, hair and blood from whatever it strikes.
A.Biopsy.Gun.
From today's Kingston Freeman:
Patty Williams said she first saw a bigfoot on her property about four months ago. She said she the creature was near the tree line and by her pigpen.
"It had a juvenile with it about my height," Williams said on Friday. She said the creatures went into the pen and ate her pig's food but did not bother any of her animals.
Williams said she threw a rock near where she believed one of the creatures was and it threw the rock back. She said she also threw a football and that it came back.
Well. If I were to see a Bigfoot in my backyard, my first instinct would certainly be to throw a rock at him. Or better yet, I'd search my garage until I found a football to throw, in case he wanted to play catch. It definitely wouldn't occur to me to get my fucking camera phone or video camera. No way.
12 comments:
Ahem.. I'm just devastated. But hey, I'm used to it.
This was all the chuckles on the radio coming into work this morning.
Funny, the newspaper did not mention anything about Tequila (or bud light, this was catskill after all), and this sighting of the mama and baby big foot sounds an awful lot like say
a black bear and a cub.
I would love to see a picture of Ms. Patty Williams and see if it's matching up with my mental one. I'm guessing morbidly obese with a Budweiser tank top.
If I see Bigfoot - I ain't throwing a rock OR getting my camera. I'm locking all the doors and calling 911. I'm a scaredy cat like that.
How well did it throw the football? I'm just thinking that maybe the NFL might want to get in this action.
Steve...but would bears play football? That's the problem I'm having. I know the local homeless guy in Stone Ridge can throw. And he's really tall. And has a lot of hippie hair. But he doesn't have a car, so how could he get to Catskill? I'm simply stymied.
The Freeman is one step away from becoming The Globe or The Enquirer...didn't that paper used to be less tabloidy?
Alice, I think there is a photo if you go to the Kingston Freeman's web site. She's not as cuckoo looking as you might expect.
The NFL? I'm trapping that bad boy and selling him to the government for big bucks. I'm tired of being poor, man.
Why is it they always pick the real brainiacs to interview??
Besides, BigFoot lives down here... so I've heard.
she's probably a jets fan. and they could use some help with the skill positions...
Bigfoot's a long way from home.
It seems like searching for big boobs would be a lot more fun. I've driven through all of new york, and there's really nowhere for a cat to hide let alone a giant race of primates.
All right, Kris. You just graduated from being on my favorites list to being on my browser's RSS reader. I get alerts from people on my RSS reader.
A Biopsy Gun. There just aren't any words, yo.
So, the rational possibilities, are as follows: a nudist homeless man with a love for rustic living, a bear or bear and cub mistaken for a large primate, a bunch of bored rednecks that want to be interviewed, or a harmless dude playing a hoax... or some combination thereof.
A biopsy gun. Amazing.
Cat, I thought he lived in the south too. I'm pretty sure Jeremy has seen him.
Jack, home being...Los Angeles? Have you been walking around naked in Upstate NY again?
Mr. U...actually, you'd be surprised the amount of rural woods that still exist in Western NY. It's frightening, actually. But I do agree that if there was a big family of hairy manimals residing somewhere up there, some hunter would've picked them off by now. Come on.
Scoot, I'm going with answer #3.
And how do I get an RSS feeder? I'm totally deficient in blogspeak.
If I saw Bigfoot in my yard, I'd chop off his head and bury him next to Elvis and the Chupacabra.
Hey, when I say get off my lawn I mean it!
What is a bigfoot anyway?? An animal of some kind? Why would a bigfoot have the ability to throw a football if a bear can't?
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