Friday, November 21, 2008

Domo Arigato, Mrs. Roboto

You're not supposed to come out of a parent-teacher conference sweating and fighting the desire to go home and self-flagellate.

But twenty minutes with the droid who calls herself my kid's kindergarten teacher made me want to scratch at myself till I bled. I, along with some other parents, have noticed that this chick doesn't exactly give off the warm-and-fuzzies usually associated with a kindergarten teacher, but last night I began to really think she was in the wrong field. Maybe she'd make a good banker. Or a vice cop.

Shawn and I sat on tiny chairs with halved tennis balls stuck on the bottoms of the legs ("Cute touch," I said. "Yes, it reduces the noise," Robotface responded),
and listened to this 24-year-old, childless virtuoso of child development explain, with no lack of judginess, how she is 'concerned' about Lily's 'kissing the boys'.


"Really?" I asked, "Kissing boys? More than one boy?"

No, said Bionica. Just one boy.


"Which boy?" asked her father.

"Oh," she quipped. "Well, she's kissed Lucas a few times."

Aha. Lucas. Right.

Lucas, who has been her best friend since she was 6 months old. Lucas, who is the only boy from our neighborhood to be accepted with Lily to their K-12 charter school. Lucas, who, during a playdate about two years ago, got into Lily's toddler bed with her and pretended to be the "Daddy" (which entailed rolling over and looking annoyed as Lily sat up and "nursed" her baby doll).

Lucas, whose mother is my one of my best friends.

Yeah, I'm worried about Lily kissing Lucas.

I think, if I were this teacher, I'd be more worried about finding a new job when I get her ass fired.

Have a wonderful weekend, M'Lovies!!!


The Third String said...

Hey Krock. You're absolutely right. She's in the wrong field. When the purpose of education gets overshadowed by the din of political correctness (all five year old children should be fully socialzed) and / or the ramblings of childhood development all-star (I say that sarcastically) Piaget, then it's time to consider a new profession. And for some that is exactly all being a teacher is, a profession. Hang in there.

Booya said...

Man, what a bitch. I am a firm beliver in the younger the teacher the higher grade they should teach. A 24-year old mindless goob is just going to be annoyed by 5 year olds, but would really "click" with a senior class. Just my guess, I could be wrong. I have seen a lot of people go into the teaching field for the wrong reason, they look at it as I get 3 months off and paid for the whole year. Seriously. Keep your chin up, I am sure your child is fine.

Oh, and love the Styx reference!

kay zee said...

What a wheatbag.
First of all where did BOYS come from when in fact it was BOY.

Dumass 24 yr old.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

I think maybe that teacher just needs to get laid. I might be willing to help with the situation if you can send a picture of her.

jeremy said...

she probably just wants to kiss lucas herself, and lil is horning in on her action.

(not "honing")

Scooter said...


And all I could think of was, "wow, those tennis balls are brilliant!"

I think I might have a neurological disorder.

xl said...

It stopped me dead in my tracks at the 24-year-old bit. Like, FFS how did she get that way?

[high five for the post title!]

nitewalk6 said...

I suspect she's a closet lesbo who so wants children of her own that she censures others kids as a way of acting out her fantasy of motherhood. God help us!

Anonymous said...

Did she go on and on about it?

Anonymous said...

Have you considered that she was just hitting on you? Think about it. She didn't see anything cute about balls. She's worried that your daughter was kissing... a BOY. And now? You can't get her out of your mind, can you?

catscratch said...

Sounds like one of the kindergarten teachers I heard tell a kid who was crying for his mom:

"Enough with the water works, dry it up."

Who the fuck is that evil to a little kid???

Prunella Jones said...

What is the big deal about her kissing a boy? Is that supposed to mean she's headed for a life in porn? Geez, that bitch of a teacher needs to relax. Good thing she didn't catch the kids playing doctor.

Cindy-Lou said...

I understand the teacher hate. My son's teacher implied that he might have an ADD issue. Uh, he's a seven year old boy. OF COURSE HE CAN'T SIT STILL FOR SIX HOURS. I think half the teachers out there are in the wrong field.