Friday, November 28, 2008

It's not unusual to be loved by anyone

Happy Thanksgiving, lovers!

How was your holiday? Happy? Plentiful? Mine certainly was.

My family and I ate like starved dogs yesterday afternoon (Thanks mom!), and then I kicked off my shoes and retired to the couch to pass out. I was later pulled from the sticky web of my food coma when my dad produced a VHS tape of all the home movies my grandfather had taken of us when we were little. My parents had had them transferred to video and we all decided to watch. So I grabbed some cold stuffing and Lily and I snuggled together on the couch.

Holy Christ. My grandfather was a man of few words, but he was a quiet artist of sorts, and managed to capture moments on his old fashioned silent video camera that I'd forgotten even happened. His movies of our family were intermixed with trips he and my grandmother took all over the country (My mom and I both shrieked with delight when, in a shot of 1960s Vegas we saw a sign outside the Flamingo Club for TOM JONES: ONE NIGHT ONLY), and he managed to get some really beautiful shots that conjured up memories I hadn't expected.

Being the body-obsessed freak that I am, I was of course transfixed on the evolution of my chubby little girlbody throughout the many stages of my childhood captured on betamax.

I'm glad that Lily's lithe little string bean frame seems to take more after her father's Irish potato famine side of the family rather than my homemade manicotti-loving, wine glugging, Italian side. It will hopefully save her some middle-school heartache and money on therapy later in life.

Anyway, I never weigh myself. I do not keep a scale in my home, and I never step on one, unless forced to at my yearly checkup, and even then it makes my palms sweaty and my heart pound. Is there a story behind this? Yes, of course. Am I going to tell you? Not today, no.

In any event, my parents own a scale. And, since I've noticed that the majority of my pants have been getting increasingly difficult to button over the last 6 months(due to, I am imagining, a heavy dose of romance, thai takeout and a bit more red wine than necessary), I wanted to see for myself exactly how much weight I'd gained since last stepping on a scale.

Well, holy fuck.

Um, more than I'd expected.

So, in anticipation of a long holiday season filled with debauchery and home made baked goods, I thought I'd take some preventative steps and do a little detoxing beforehand.

I did the Master Cleanse once before, and it was not fucking fun. In fact, I wanted to kill myself.

BUT I didn't drink caffeine during it, and this time I plan to dose myself with green tea in addition to spicy lemonade.

Also, I only lasted three days last time, but I did feel pretty damn good afterwards. Anyway, I think this is probably a good way to kick over a new leaf and get back to healthy, glowy me. We'll see.


The Third String said...

Let me know when I can buy you raspberries again. In the meantime, I'll eat your share.

Pronto said...

Is this the detox that uses cayenne pepper to scrape all the crap from your colon?

How Yummy is that ?

Krissyface said...

Third, yeah, ixnay on the assberriesray for the next few days. grassy ass. omglol.

Pronto, that's the one.
It will be quite yummy, I anticipate. I'll post photos.

No, I won't. I actually kind of like you guys.

Pronto said...

Maybe just a quick video of the gag reflex when you try to choke down the spiced up juice?


catscratch said...

Well, I think you're a cutie extra few pounds or not.

Good luck with the colon blow. Let me know how that turns out.

Anonymous said...

Good luck, Sweetie. And if you want to kill yourself, that's okay. But if you have a plan, call 911.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

LOL, why do the pretty skinny girls all think they need to lose weight. Glad you had a good Thanksgiving.

nitewalk6 said...

Happy shitting! Is it any worse than the cleanse required for ones colonoscopy?

Krissyface said...

Pronto, Methinks thou art pervy.
I can direct you to some interesting websites for that though, if that's yo thang...

Cat, thanks darlin. I'd be cuter if I could fit into my goddamned pants. It's all I ask, really.

Jack, I don't think I'll die from this. But it's nice to know you are on my...side.

Ron, I will ask them.

Nitewalk, I did that a few years ago. I didn't actually think it was that bad. And by comparison, yes, this is worse. Because it goes on for days and days. But the benefit is supposedly worth it. Stay tuned.

Anonymous said...

No! It's not okay to do it. It's okay to want to. That's what I keep telling myself...

xl said...

Great Thanksgiving here. spouse-xl invited various members of her family over, but they canceled! Yay! No in-laws! So I was thankful for that.

Memphis Steve said...

I'll tell you what. Because I like you I'll do you this favor that I would never do for anyone else. You take a some pictures of yourself completely naked, from all angles, and send them to me. And then after you've done your green tea thing, take new naked photos and send those to me, too. I'll tell you what I think. Sound like a plan? It's because I'm nice like that.

Prunella Jones said...

I've tried that one before. It's not too horrible and it's good for the skin.

Good luck, my sweet!

jeremy said...

when you told me you wanted to do the master cleanse, i thought you were trying to subtly suggest i shower.