Saturday, May 31, 2008

Fuck you, Marital Status

I was just reading Prunella's blog, and she was talking about her Economic Stimulus Check arriving in the mail. I started thinking, hmmmm. I wonder where the hell mine is? You know, because I am such a spoiled little baby that not only do I feel a snotty sense of entitlement to my free money, but I want to know how come it's taking so goddamned long for it to get here.

So I went to the IRS' web site and they actually have a calendar so you can find out when you can expect your check. It turns out it goes by social security number. The last two digits. Well, I thought, wicked awesome! The last two digits of my soc. are '18'. And people between '00 and 18' should be getting their check on...wait. May 23rd? That was a week ago. So what gives?

Then I thought about it.

The last two digits of Shawn's social security number are '88'.

Goddamnedmotherfuckers.

Since I'm technically still married, and we filed our taxes together again this year, the government must be going by his social security number (because he is a man).

So we're not gonna get that cash until mid-July.

Oh, whores.

On the upside, having Lily entitles us to about $300 extra, so woooo! The Bush administration is so clever in the way gives us monetary incentives for giving the world more mouths to feed. Cunning, cunning government.

So, I guess that new digital camera will have to wait until July. Oh yeah, and the same goes for June's rent.

Sigh.

13 comments:

Warped Mind of Ron said...

You get extra for children?! I most go forth and breed to increase my future economic incentives!!! Now all I need are volunteers...

Prunella Jones said...

I'm still waiting for my check, dammit. What's taking so long for my free gubmint money to get here?

Jack said...

Will you get a lot more than half, I hope?

Mine are 86, so I got mine late, too. And then, outta nowhere, a bunch of bills came up. But I'm depressed. Oh, no.

Mister Underhill said...

On the bright side, my penis.

Krissyface said...

Ron,
Yes, do!!! The world needs more babies!!! Babies, babies, babies! And a surplus of government stimulus money! Go out and spread your seed! Godspeed!

Pru,
I wonder if it's all a big hoax. Like, Ha ha guys...and by the way, hope you weren't planning on driving anywhere this summer either! Cuz a gallon of gas costs more than a Starbucks now! Snicker snicker...I'm a just gonna go take a bath in my daddy's oil well now...

Jack,
I plan to take it all. I ain't no fool.

Mr. U,
God, I never thought of it like that!!! You're right!!! Who needs rent money when I can think about...your penis? Totally.

Krissyface said...

Um, and Jack...

By the way, just an aside...
Happened by your blog the other day and noticed I'm still not on your blogroll.. aHEM....

kay zee said...

i hear you!

The Canuck Gov't is f-ing me over, too. Audited, baby- 2nd time.
They need "rent receipts and proof of my tuition" Both of which I can get- thank god- it's just going to take even LONGER to get my G.D money!
(...Thanking lord that the information requested was NOT concerning "claiming tips" for either year- YIKES!)

Krissyface said...

KZ...Being audited is my greatest fear. Besides getting locked in the trunk of someone's car.

Jack said...

Heh, heh. "Take it all."

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

Yup I'm gonna just keep popping kids out until my stimulus checks equal an extra income.

jeremy said...

if you feel that strongly about it, you could always use that $300 to help someone pay for an abortion.

mrs.redpants said...

I've been telling everyone this money from Bush is like the roses/jewelry from your abusive husband/boyfriend after he kicked your ass the night before. I'll take your fucking money, but it doesn't mean I won't change the locks George!!

Krissyface said...

Momma,
Now there's an idea. Who needs a fucking paper route?

Jeremy,
I said I felt strongly. I didn't say I wouldn't take it. If you can't beat em, join em. Mine! All mine!

Kara,
Such a true and eloquent analogy. I hope Mr. Redpants is reading this also. If you two don't start a blog together I am kicking both your asses. Now GIT!