Thursday, May 15, 2008


So I'm in the car taking Lily to school this morning and an atrociously filthy truck is in front of us at a light; people have scrawled all kinds of things in the thick layer of dirt on the back of the truck. One thing that jumped out at me specifically:

"I love juicy pussy".

And an accompanying phone number.

I'm not sure why, but this made me laugh out loud. I was laughing so hard that Lily said, "What, mama? What?"
and I said, "Oh, I was just laughing at some graffiti on that truck."
"What does it say?"
"Oh, it says, 'wash me'. Isn't that funny?"

I'm so screwed when she learns to read. I mean, how do you really explain, "I love juicy pussy"?
You don't. I guess.

One thing I've noticed about New York City is that people love to write on everything. No, but really. Give them a blank wall, the side of a building, a bridge, anything, and some assface with a can of spraypaint will tag it. It's become a game for Lily and me; she loves to get a window seat on the train and show me the various decorated points of interest along our route to the city. In Astoria, specifically, graffiti is everywhere.

This got me thinking about some of the best graffiti I've seen around.
I think my favorite, hands-down, is something I read in the bathroom of my favorite bar in college:



So tell me, y'all...what's the best graffiti you've ever seen?


Krissyface said...

...and before any of you even asks,

No. I did not write down the phone number.

was surely tempted to, but I did not.

(you bunch of sex perverts)

Liz said...

My favorite is still the grade school, "here I sit broken hearted, came to shit but only farted." that i saw on the bathroom wall at St. Patrick's. A brilliant ode to constipation.

jeremy said...

american. hands down.

catscratch diva said...

The punks in Tennessee have no thought process, they scribble.

Now the graffiti in California is well thought out and actually pretty most of the time.

I would have written that number down, girl!

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Hmmm... seems the number is sort of useless because you will just be calling somebody with a similar interest. Now if the number directed you to find the juicy pussy then it would be much more useful.

Scooter said...

Well, I live in the Ann Arbor metroplex, right? It's an art town. People write all kinds of things. I have a Myspace friend that sometimes posts graffiti that she finds around the city in blogs.

It's cool. I should find the link, and post it here...

Krissyface said...

I remember that. I thought that phrase was invented by a boy I had a crush on in fourth grade. I was totally disappointed to find out i was quite wrong.

American Graffiti? Really? Boy, are you old.

I wish I could say that for the NY graffiti. Pretty it is not. Ugly? Yes. That's exactly what it is. Quite so.

Well, I thought I'd call and offer...oh, never mind.

you have to send that link now, yep. Totally.

Scooter said...

The next time I am on Myspace, I will do just that. For now, though...

Anonymous said...

"misterunderhill has a great cock". Sadly I had to write it msyelf but maybe it will catch on.

karla said...

Wow, what a crazy coincidence that you were driving behind my truck that day! Small world.

Prunella Jones said...

My favorite was in junior high, someone spray painted the words BALLS LICK 'EM on a wooden fence by the school and it stayed up there for months.

Krissyface said...

wait, we are writing the same graffiti? Strange.

I thought you drove a black kidnapper type van with tinted windows and clown stickers all over it.

Balls lick em. No punctuation, nothing. That's poetry.

Anonymous said...

Ooh, I want a kidnapper van. With a waterbed.

Krissyface said...

Mr. U...wait, you don't already have one? Oh, I forgot. We're not supposed to "talk about" that. Nevermind...

Anonymous said...

Wow -- I used to live in Astoria. I finally had to leave 'cause every time I'd stand still someone would come up and try to draw graffiti on me.

Krissyface said...

That happened to me too. Until I asked Giuliani to graffiti-proof me like he did the subways. Now I don't even have to shower. But shhhh. Don't tell.

Anonymous said...

Do you think he wrote that himself? Because I'm more used to people writing stuff on there to haze you. And if they're hazing him, he's gotta be gay, right? Or they want his wife to kill him.

"Hello. I've got a juicy pussy."

Also, I've been advised by my friend that it's not okay to go down on whores. Although I still like to think that they'll heavily discount your session if they come.

Krissyface said...

Jack, you bring up several interesting points.
First, I think you are totally correct that someone took a finger, licked it, and wrote that stuff about juicy pussies just to fuck with some guy. I bet it's all part of some kind of fraternity ritual. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Plus, it's soooo much cheaper than spray paint. Just some spit and a dirty truck. Viola.

And about the whores? I would probably take your friend's word on that. I mean, who needs chlamydia of the tongue?

Ginormous Boobs said...

I loved Hawaii for a million reasons. But what I really loved was the graffiti. It wasn't sprayed all over the place. Everyone used the white stones to write their messages along the road. Against the black lava rock, you could see the "graffiti" spelled out from the sky. So cool.

kay zee said...

in TO.
Kids from a local school did some graffiti on the side of a building as kind of a "Clean up-cutesy" deal.

One kid (in their lil' kid hand writing" painted "WU TANG 4EVER"

Loves it.