Thursday, May 1, 2008

No flies on him

So I'm sitting at the park again today (one of the delicious benefits of my new night schedule is that I get to spend my afternoons with my ass planted on a park bench again, surrounded by my mama pals. Sometimes it feels just like college, except then we sat on barstools. And there was alcohol. And cigarettes. And no children).

So we start talking about the things we do to get our kids to eat.

Luckily, Lily has always been a pretty good eater. As y'all might suspect from reading these posts, I take health pretty seriously. Nutrition especially. I haven't forced vegetarianism on Lil, but I don't ever cook meat, so she rarely has it in my presence (though the first thing she said when she tried steak, after I'd gently explained to her where it came from, was, "More cow, please").
She knows the deal. Have a little of everything. If you want something wicked delicious (Rice Dream Scooter Pie, for example, we be way decadent), eat your carrots. And don't sass me.

So my friend Heather wasn't having the same luck with her son Lucas about a month ago. She tried in vain to explain to him all about the starving children in third world countries who don't have the benefits of microwavable Annies Organic Mac and Cheese, or McDonalds, for example.

So in exasperation she logged on to the UNICEF web site and showed him photos of starving children.

"See? See their bellies? They are big and fat because they HAVE NO FOOD IN THEM!!!"

The visual of this made me almost pee my pants. I could just picture Heather at lunch time, hair piled on top of her head, muffins in the oven, baby Rose on her hip, close to losing her shit. She'd be taking Lucas, in his Spidey underpants, by the hand and sitting him at the laptop. I could see her Googling "graphic images of starving children". Oh, she is just devilishly, devilishly clever.

I believe that Lucas was speechless about that.

Somehow we got on the next topic today of recycling toys. During a spring cleaning sweep, Heather said she'd asked Lucas if he wanted to keep his Mr. Potato Head, which had lost all its facial features over time and was now no more than simply a plastic, holey potato. He told her, "Oh, just throw it in the garbage, Mom".

Heather was appalled. "I mean, now I have to explain about all the children in the world who don't have TOYS!!!"

I made a helpful suggestion. "Did you try Googling images of children standing on top of land fills? Or what about images of children in tattered clothing, clutching filthy baby dolls?"

Very funny, Kristin.

I thought so.


Warped Mind of Ron said...

It's good that your instilling good eating habits young. My habits were not quite so good. And cow is the most awesome food ever!! LOL

Scooter said...

Kristin, domesticating cows was the best thing to ever happen to them. These animals, for the most part, live lives free of predation, are fed every day, with no fear of starvation, and they die in the prime of life, pretty much pain free.

Obviously, there are abuses. Veal, for instance, is pure evil. And those poor "downer" cows being pushed around with forklifts? Sickening.

However, the human digestive system is omnivorous. We were meant to eat all different kinds of food, meat being one of them. So, vegetarianism isn't bad. Milk and eggs can be eaten on a vegetarian diet.

VEGANISM? Idiotic. People need PROTEIN. Show me a healthy vegan, and I will show you a vegan that cheats.

Oh, as for the toys? I have a Fisher Price Happy Apple musical toy on my desk right now. I have had it since the early 1980s. I plan on giving it to my child, or perhaps to another person's child whom I love very much.

But only when they are old enough to understand that it is a gift that means something.

Chele said...

I really dont think your friends approach was right, I dont know it just feels wrong. I remember my mom giving me the same line as you, the starving children line. I didnt care as I was 5 and did not know the concept of other people struggling.

I must say I loved and crakced up at the more cow please, says the darnest things

Anonymous said...

I don't know if the world's toyless kids would even want just the potato part of a Mr. Potato Head. But it would make a good place for potheads to put their weed.

Krissyface said...

My father's sister, a lifelong vegetarian, used to live next door to us when I was small. She loves to tell this horrifying story of me coming out of the house at about 3 or so, a hot dog in on hand and a rolled-up piece of baloney in the other. She said she had fantasies of kidnaping me and feeding me nothing but yogurt and wheat germ. Hey, we learn along the way. Luckily, I wised up before it was too late.

Hey Scoot,
You're a very intelligent guy, and I respect your opinions. But dude. Have you read Fast Food Nation? Domesticated cows might not live in fear, but that's because they can't anticipate the bolt to the brain while awaiting slaughter. Not the smartest animals. But some of the gentlest. And unfortunately, some of the least humanely treated.

Yes, Lily loves to ask for more cow and pig when she's eating meat (mostly when she's with her daddy). She thinks it's really funny. Already she knows how to get to her mom.

Mr. POT-ato head...
Yeah...good call...

jeremy said...

show me a starving child with a big fat belly, and i will show you a starving child that cheats.

Prunella Jones said...

I feel best on a vegan diet, but I can't seem to resist cheese for very long. Especially the devilish, stinky kind.

Krissyface said...

Cheaters never win. That's what I keep telling Sally Struthers and her band of "underfed" children. Yeah. Whatever.

I feel best when I'm doing the veg thing but eating fish too. Veganism unfortunately creates an unhealthy relationship with soy. Which creates an unhealthy relationship with gas. If you get me. And the cheese. Right? I cannot go without cheese.

honkeie2 said...

I grew up on red neck food....crisco ladden food...i am not off to look up kids that are 5 and fat.....i cannt run i am 5 and sad yet so the norm.....I still sit on bar stools but now i have kid on my knee