Monday, August 18, 2008

I'm the only one without a prom date, and I'm late for class without my homework

Oh, how Mondays do suck. They suck the hairy, red-hot ass of Satan himself. Mondays are especially cruel and hideous after one has had a most enjoyable weekend. Six AM comes unexpectedly and cruelly in the form of a shrieking cell-phone alarm clock, pouncing upon one's weary, massively-relaxed, post-coital body and hacking away at it with a thousand machetes. Oh, cruel, cruel Monday Bitch. You crotch. You fucking twat.

It especially sucks to be stunned awake on a Monday morning when you've been nightmaring all the livelong eve. All night I had haunting and anxiety-ridden dreams about high school. It was my birthday, see. And all of my friends decided to ignore me. They came into the classroom (where we were dissecting frogs and deciding on prom themes) and nobody would talk to me. I had purchased a large bouquet of mylar balloons for myself and sat at my desk wondering what I'd done wrong. I felt massively alone, but thought, 'fuck those bitches', and I decided to walk through my school, knowing full well that I'd get demerits for skipping class and not being in my uniform (which was, oddly, blue sparkly unitards like they wear in the Ice Capades). I got lost, as I often do in these dreams, and ending up outside, ankle-deep in snow, wearing only rubber flipflops. I slipped and got yelled at by the woman we used to call "The Ghost Nun", because she was too old to teach classes anymore but still lived in the convent on the 4th floor of our school, and would oft be seen in the hallways wearing a flimsy mumu and slippers, 'dusting' things and giving us the stink eye through milky, cateract-covered irises.

I woke up and for a second felt panicked, sad, and terribly alone.

But you know what? I wasn't alone.

And that was really nice.

18 comments:

catscratch said...

I have a recurring nightmare. Santa Monica pier and I'm being chased by some nut-job who's trying to snatch my kid.

Fucked up dream. I always wake up in a panic and pissed off as hell.

Krissyface said...

Oh, I have that dream too. The kid gone lost one. Only nobody's trying to steal Lily, I just keep leaving her places.

Like one time I dreamed that I left her at a La Leche League meeting in her baby carrier so I could go shopping in Manhattan for gold cowboy boots.

They were fabulous boots, though.

Kimber said...

Why do we all end up naked in High School? Getting laid rocks.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

I don't mind the nightmares so much it's the other ones that bother me when I wake up.

Jack said...

I'm glad you had comfort there, at least. 8^)

MsPuddin said...

i know its cliche, but tell me how you really feel? lol

just think, tomorrow is tuesday yay!

SPARSELY KATE said...

oooooooh I do not like those school yard dreams...still haunting me.

happy week honey!

Krissyface said...

Kim, It kind of does. Yes.

Ron, That kind of makes me sad.

Jack, I didn't say I was comforted. omglol.

Miz P, I know, I'm such an easy read, even my freaking dreams are easily dissected. Me so vapid.

Thanks, Kate!

jeremy said...

not only were you not alone, but with the sheet stuck to your back like that you probably felt like superman...

Scooter said...

Kris, I like to think of myself as part of your world. I appreciate your words, and smile at your happy stories, and worry at your worries. I hope I can be some small connection to the greater world for you.

I mean, if you want to be connected to Mid Western conservative leaning autistic people, that is...

Obesio said...

I'd like to hear less about the post-coital and more about the coital.

Obesio said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mister Underhill said...

Satan shaves his ass hair. He is a bottom, after all.

Effortlessly Average said...

Hi! I just wandered over here from some blog somewhere else that I can't remember now and just wanted to let you know I'm here.

Now I have someone to read while on the plane tonight.

Prunella Jones said...

Were you taking Melatonin by chance? Because it always gives me whacked dreams.

Or maybe it was the sex.

The Third String said...

Dreams fascinate me. Yours is so typical of the type of funky stuff I dream about at night.

Having said that... I hope you're enjoying your three days off. I'll be just fine DOING ALL OF THE WORK HERE WITHOUT YOU!!!! :)

Have a good rest!

Pronto said...

I know just what you mean bout gold cowboy boots. What prairie boy wouldn't?


Just sayin'

flounder said...

Krissyface got some!!!