Monday, September 8, 2008

Collection Agency Fun

I don't know why I answer the phone when the caller ID says "Unknown Name". Maybe I'm a masochist. Maybe I'm just curious like a cat, and I simply can't help myself. But here's one of the super fun things about getting divorced:
You no longer are responsible for your ex-husband's heaping, endless mountains of debt.

So. You're sitting on the couch, staring at the wall, wiping smeared tears from your eyes because you've just gone through the whole first-day-of-kindergarten thing all over again (long story short, she got into an even awesomer school, so you quick-like yanked her from the first awesome school, knowing the upheaval would have temporary repercussions, but that it would be totally worth it). Oh, also you really have no idea how you're going to get her to school every day and arrive at work on time, and you really can't be late for work, and you feel like you don't have a friend in the world, and the weight of responsibility on your bony shoulders is bearing down like a ton of motherfucking bricks.

Then, the day brightens.


Kristin: Hello?

Telephone: Hello, is Mr. Shawn _____ there?

Kristin, Um, who's calling?

Telephone: Nikki.

Kristin: Hello, Nikki. Nikki from where?

Nikki: (pause). From Houston.

Kristin: Um, no, Nikki. I meant, what company are you with?

Nikki: Red Line.

Kristin: Okay. Is that a collection agency?

Nikki: No.

Kristin: No?

Nikki: Is Mr. Shawn there?

Kristin: No. Mr. Shawn is no longer residing here. You can reach him at xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Nikki: (Recites back an entirely wrong number) that correct?

Kristin: No. X....X....X.....X.....X....X......

Nkki: Got it.

Kristin: Really?

Nikki: Yes. Thank you so much for your help.

Kristin: No, Nikki. Thank you.


Sproactually said...


Ex's suck
Money sucks

An Ex with money issues, sucks squared.

An Ex you have to deal with, sucks to the 4th power.

I can't make it go away, but I have been there, and done that, and indeed I know what it feels like.

xl said...

My favorite telemarketer ploy:

[ring ring]

xl: Hello.
telemarketer: Is this xl?
xl: Hang on, I have to turn the stove off.

[set phone down, see how long until they hang up]

Prunella Jones said...

Ah collection agents, I'm quite familiar with them being a deadbeat and all. I enjoy chatting with them and telling them all about how my crazy roomate Prunella is currently residing in a psychiatric hospital and/or ran off to Pitcairn Island. I also like to answer the phone in a whisper and beg them to please quit reading my thoughts.

Hey, when your broke you have to take your fun where you can find it.

Krissyface said...

Steve, yeah, well, we've all got our crosses to bear.
Thankful for outsourcing to India, because it makes the whole collection agency thing a lot more humorous.

XL, I once fucked with a prank caller (in junior high, before the age of caller ID or *69, and when I got prank calls because I got picked on) by taking the phone and putting the mouthpiece right up against my stereo speaker then turning the volume waaaay up. I had a sweet stereo, man. It was the 80s. They never called back though.

Pru, quite so. Quite so.

Scooter said...

You know, maybe it's just me... but I really do not understand "debt". Seriously. Why do people let this happen to themselves? Ok, I can understand if someone gets sick and can't work. Sure, that is a sad thing that needs to be addressed at a federal level.

How the hell do you get thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in debt... when you can just save up and buy the nice things with cash?

Are so many of us that irrationally impatient? Is a new "whatever" really going to make you feel better?

Of course, I haven't updated my wardrobe since high school. So, I am probably in the minority.

Anonymous said...

You've got friends, Doll, remember. Friends who love you. You masochist.

Krissyface said...

Scooter Pie, Alas, I think it's all part of the problem with the immediate gratification/consumptive culture we live in. I want it, I want it now, therefore I should have it. And with endless lines of credit, I can have it! Yay!

I blame marketing and advertising and also, the Republicans.

Jack the Wack, thank you, darling. You are a sweet tart. And, yes. I am a total masochist.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

You forget to mention how you told the collections agent about how much money he was making nowadays... :) that should make them call twice as often! LOL

Pronto said...


i actually enjoyed the comments almost as much as the post itself....

just sayin'

Krissyface said...

Ron, as long as they stop calling me, I don't care what happens...I was actually surprised to get the call. they pretty much have stopped.

Pronto, yeah, I do have some wicked funny readers.

Anonymous said...

So YOU'RE the one giving them my number.

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

I just read that in some states (not mine thank god) both assets and debts are split in divorce. I'd be super pissed if I got stuck with my ex-husband's debt.