Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Putting the "Street" in "Street Festival"

What a weekend. So there was this street festival in Astoria yesterday. Anyone even remotely acquainted with me knows that Mama is a sucker for a NYC street festival.
I'm drawn like a mosquito to a bug zapper. Simply cannot help myself. There is so much wonderful shit on which to waste my cash, I usually have to replenish funds at an ATM at least once during the 10-block walk through Street Vendor Heaven.

When I'm at one of these time-wasters, I get sorta posessed. My heart pumps, I feel that sting of ammonia thrill in my nostrils, my pupils dilate with excitement. The hippie incense smell, the scores of knockoff handbags, the piles of cheap, hand-woven Guatemalan sweaters, the fried dough, the fresh watermelon souring in the scorching sun...oh, OH...it's almost too much to bear.

Yesterday's Labor Day Street Fair was no disappointment. There were FOUR jumpy castles, all roasting in the relentlessly hot sun, waiting for shoeless children to hop in and get third-degree burns on their feet. Also present were three dusty, tired old ponies, penned into a tiny riding ring on a side street. My friend's dad, a street musician, crooned into a microphone in the middle of 30th Avenue, his guitar case sitting open at his feet in the hopes of making his rent money. It was so cool.

There were even two sleepy-looking, life-sized cartoon characters in cheap, baggy costumes, standing in front of the fish market to shake hands with the little ones. Awwww. Though Spider-man and Winnie the Pooh were of no interest to Lily, who was more interested in scoring cheap plastic bootleg Korean toys and extra ice cream, we did take notice of one family who felt it imperative to force their little boy to stand next to Spidey so his 800 lb mama could snap a precious picture.

This kid, maybe he was five? Was thoroughly freaked out. He clung tightly to his mother as she continually peeled his arms from around her legs and tried to attach them to Spider-man, as if he were one of those hanging monkey toys with the long arms and velcro hands. It was disturbing to watch.

When the little fucker finally relented and sagged back, tear-stained and defeated, into Spidey's waiting arms, his mom got her precious photo, and the family started to move on.

But not before Little Maniac Boy hurled himself into his mother and yelled in her face, "YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!!!!"

To which, his mother burst out laughing.

I think I need to find a new place to live soon.


Scooter said...

Hmm. Kim, Sadie, Brooke and I went to a summer festival in my city's "quaint village" district a few weeks ago. It was the last day of a three day festival, so things were winding down. Still, we got some honey out of the deal.

Mmm... wildflower honey...

The Third String said...

Kid needs a good ole fashion spanking.

Kimber said...

Yeah, actually you described the Heritage Festival perfectly, except the musical entertainment was a guy singing with and accordian. Wildflower honey is kinda funny tasting BTW - an aquired taste I guess.

jeremy said...

baton rouge is a new place to live. and we should have power back within four weeks!

flounder said...

Was there an ice cream of the future stand along your stroll? Hasn't that shit been around for about 20 years now? When is it going to be called just ice cream?

catscratch said...

I'm jealous. I love street fairs. Sounds like you had a blast!

Cindy-Lou said...

Well, she WAS being an asshole, that child was correct!

Krissyface said...

Scoot, I wish my neighborhood had a quaint village district. Only a quaint ghetto district though.

3rd, With a wooden spoon, just like my grandma'd say.

Kim, I love accordions. There's a blind guy on the subway who plays one and he always makes me wanna cry.

J, It just so happens I have recently purchased a ticket...to PARADISE!!!

Flounder, I did not see dippin dots. Is that what you mean? That shit is weird.

Cat, It was wicked awesome.

CL, yeah, she was freaking gross.

Anonymous said...

In the kid's defense, she IS an asshole. That's not quite street, though - someone would have to get shot. Or even wear some GRILLZ or something.

Is there public sex at your street fairs?