Thursday, September 25, 2008

Mercury in Retrograde hair

I've decided that instead of blaming my many shortcomings as a human being on simply being an exhausted single mama with a full-time job, every time I fuck something up from now until October 15th, I'm going to say simply, "Oh well, it's because Mercury is in retrograde".

So, for the next several weeks, those close to me can look forward to viewing my new fashion trend of semi-dreadlocked Princess Leia hair and forgetting to iron my pants.

Also, I will be forgetting your birthdays and anniversaries. You're welcome.
Plus, if you're really really lucky, you might even get a wine-soaked, passionate and disjointed email or Facebook message from me telling me how much I love you and how sorry I am for being such a crappy friend/daughter/sister/girlfriend. Because that's the kind of girl I am.

It's super duper liberating to have someone else to blame for the shitty things I do on a daily basis anyway!

I heart the solar system.

17 comments:

Warped Mind of Ron said...

You know if you say that you open yourself up to guys asking "What's your sign?"

Krissyface said...

And to that I would say, "Yield".

OMGLOL!!!!!ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!

xl said...

When the astronomers downgraded Pluto from a "planet" to a "dwarf planet," did that affected anybody's horoscope? :)

jeremy said...

does this mean you're going to stop blaming george bush for all your problems?

Mr. Poopie said...

Wait, what? Pluto's not a planet? This seriously puts a damper on things . . . . fucking George Bush!

Pronto said...

even better yet,

that should bring you just about up to the next full moon on October 14th.......

another solar excuse !!!

Scooter said...

Yes. George Bush is a better choice than the first planet. I'm just saying, is all.

On the other hand, George Bush is giving $700 billion dollars away to the folks that were so bad at managing their own assets that we are only three pack mules and a shovel (even I don't know what that means... it just popped in to my brain) away from a depression.

Maybe I should figure out how to fuck up massively. There's good money in it.

Prunella Jones said...

I like that. I may have to adopt that one. That's much better than wailing "O happy dagger! This is thy sheath there rust, and let me die" and then making stabbing motions to my chest as I am wont to do everytime I fuck up. My boss is getting tired of that one.

Sproactually said...

tin foil hat on the subway, and you should fit right in..

Jack said...

I'm going to send me some wine.

Krissyface said...

XL, No. We're talking about the red planet here, man. Keep up.

J, It doesn't mean that, no. But I might take a little of the blame off my ex husband.

Poop, I'm happy to school ya.

Pronto, fuck...really? I think I'm getting my period then too. I'm just gonna put on a belly dancing dress and worship the stars.

Scoot, I can't believe you would say that about W! That's my line.

Pru, 'Oh happy dagger'? You crack me the fuck up.

Steve, I've been looking for an excuse to break out my tinfoil hat. It's been a while since I've walked up to strangers on the train going 'beep...beep...beep...no intelligent life form registering....'
omglol

Jack, What? I told you to stop dropping acid before leaving comments on my blog, godDAMN you, man.

Fucktard Savant said...

As long as it's not Uranus.

Fucktard Savant said...

Pru - your sheath could make me dagger very happy.

sparsely kate said...

I prefer to blame the pull of the moon.

:)

Jack said...

I meant you.

Pronto said...

me works too.

k - you actually have a belly-dancing dress?

and, i meant finger-paint you, not an effigy of you, dumb-ass.......
yes, there is a difference, believe u-me.....

Mighty Dyckerson said...

When do we get to have cybersex?