This morning I was startled awake from a dream about the Manson family by a little finger poking me in the eyelid and a sleepy voice asking, "Mama? What is water made of?"
I sat upright, wiped a thread of drool from my the corner of my mouth, and squinted at the rumply-haired little imp laying next to me.
"Who the fuck are you?" I asked.
No, just kidding.
Seriously, folks. Here we have illustrated just another reason why it is not advisable to drink wine on a Thursday night. It's never, ever worth the upset of the following morning. By that I mean: allowing your almost-5 year old to dress herself and leave the house looking like one of those children on the UNICEF box, forgetting her backpack and having to ask your friend's husband to throw two bucks down from the window of their third-floor apartment so that she can buy lunch, and spending most of the subway commute trying to shake off the sheen of Shitty Mothering that glistens all over you like dayglo body paint.
It's okay though, because when I got off the subway this morning, a happy girly song came on my ipod and I strutted across 5th Avenue and smiled up at the Flatiron building pretending to be Marlo Thomas or Mary Tyler Moore or Meredith Grey and suddenly I felt happy and flitty and pretty and it was all sort of okay. It's almost the weekend and I can spend time drawing with the kid and playing Polly Pockets and snuggling on the couch and take her to a birthday party at a farm and put on my gold cowboy boots and help her feed a goat and everything will be okey-dokey. I can feel it in my old, brittle bones.
Happy Friday, bitches.
Mwah.
A Time To Go
5 years ago
19 comments:
You should take calcium supplements for that.
Happy Friday, indeed!
You're a supreme mother. Don't kick yourself.
I wish you a sparklingly delicious weekend!
That's exactly why I don't have kids . . . I'd be all, "go make daddy some pancakes and I'll tell you all about it".
just a side note: I think Meredith should have drowned . . . she kinda gets on my nerves. . . .lol.
First time I read through this i thought you were referring to Meredith Baxter
Really, goats can make anything better, can't they?
The Scoot, calcium helps shitty parenting? Why, I never knew that.
Cat, thanks. Sometimes it just feels good to kick myself though. I'm a masochist.
Poop, The episode when Meredith drowned, that show totally jumped the shark. I still watch it though.
Again, masochist.
KZ, Like, family ties meredith baxter? yeah, no...she's never been particularly iconic to me. Actually, she's really ugly.
Momma, it's always been my experience. Also, baby lambs. Awww.
You're gon-na make it after all!
You're not old. Friends' husbands don't throw money at old ladies. They throw money at hot babes.
Hahah "who the fuck are you" ? I have those ah some what less lucid moments of clarity. Is this my house? are these actually my kids? oh man....
Jack, hey, I never thought of it like that. You always turn my FROWN UPSIDE DOWN!!!
Kate, oh, baby. don't I know it, sister.
I bet you are a fun mom. I can totally picture you playing barbies with the kidlet and making Barbie go on a dream date with Mr. Potato Head.
We do have fun. I like to throw same-sex marriages in between the princesses. Just to spice things up a bit, ya know?
Otherwise, I'd probably gouge my eyes out with a Barbie hooker boot. And what kind of example's that gonna send? Right?
Personally I think it's a little humanizing to have a woman with a little "sheen of Shitty Mothering that glistens all over you like dayglo body paint" on her.
heh.
So... Did the farm make everything better? I miss you! I need to check the blog scene more often again. It's the only way I can keep tabs on what you're up to. Who were you drinking with on Thursday and why wasn't I there?
Avg... thanks, I am coming to terms with it more and more. Hey I finally checked out your blog...good stuff! I will keep comin back (it works if you work it)
Miz Red...I miss you something fierce. Enough of this bullshit. Girls Night pronto. I was drinking wine with someone totally hilarious and cool on Thursday: myself.
Isn't that one of the signs they tell you about in high school when they teach you about problem drinking? "Drinks to excess alone..." except my drinking to excess is two glasses, because I have the tolerance of a newborn.
Anyway.
Mwah.
you have gold cowboy boots?
sounds like a kodak moment to me. make it so !!!!!!
What works if I work it? Is that a come on? I'm so out of touch with the whole dating scene. heh.
P--I do have gold cowboy boots. I didn't rock em yesterday though, because
a. it was 92 degrees
and
b. I was wearing white shorts. And the effect would've been a little more Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader than Mom at Birthday Party with Young Child. Ya know?
Avg---Not a come one, dear...it's a 12 step slogan. Story for another time. How long have you been divorced? Let's swap war stories.
I'm all over the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader look, Kristin. Go for it. Post a photo. I dare ya....
Besides, the birthday party is over. Just sayin'
Damn! I was hoping it was a come-on. heh.
Abso-freakin-lutely we should compare war stories. Email me. The link's on my blog.
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