OMG, I just came into work this morning and was greeted by the coolest thing: an email from the CEO of my company!!!
I know, ME! Getting an e-mail from the CEO!!! So cool!!!
The message outlines the "Accelerated implementation of our strategic plan" for 2009.
First, it's super cool that the CEO would think to include me on the distribution list of this very important email...moi, a lowly contractor, a spec, really, swimming under the radar in the tiny creative department of my buttoned-down corporation. I am so psyched to be receiving this 'top secret inside information' about the company's 'strategic plan'. I mean, you know you've really arrived when you start receiving The Corporate Spam.
And, well, since I have a teeny girl brain and I don't speak CEO, I had to have a co-worker come over to my cubicle and translate the exciting news about 2009 for me.
Okay, lessee....Lemme break it down for you:
1. Strategic Plan = Laying off 5300 employees! Wow! That is some real creative thinking. Lighten the load, make the company stronger!!! I feel ya!
2. Accelerated = We were gonna wait til some time next year to do this, but, aw fuck, let's just do it now. This way you can get some 'extra holiday bonding time' with your families, and run back to the mall to return all those Christmas gifts you bought that you won't be able to pay off when the Visa bill comes next month. Your kids don't NEED all that crap, anyway. Also, you'll probably need the extra time to put your house on the market and call your parents to see if you can move back in with them for a while. Cool? Cool. You know, it's all about people in this business.
Looks like perhaps I picked a good time to be a freelancer. Unnattached, flowing in the wind...and available to help my friends pack up their personal belongings in boxes and cart them out to their cars.
The Blizzard of '17
4 days ago