Thursday, December 11, 2008

I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me

This week has sucked a bunch of hemorrhoid-riddled anus.

First, I seem to have an ever-diminishing supply of pants that I can still button, and even fewer without visible coffee stains. Reaching into my closet to pull out one of these winners first thing in the morning really sets a shitty tone for the whole day, ya know?

Plus, my workweek has felt like one continuous episode of "American Idol"; I've been watching, with diarrheah-inducing nervousness, as a parade of my co-workers gets called into my supervisors office to find out if they are "safe" or "in the bottom three" or simply getting booted off the show (with a generous severance package!).

Also, it has rained for the last three consecutive days and you know what havoc that wreaks on my hair.

And, um, I gave blood yesterday and have decided I'd like it back. I can't afford to give away any more parts of myself, as it turns out. I feel like I've lost some of my powers.

All this bullshit is making me feel unsettled and kind of frightened, frankly.

A normal girl might just let go a little and allow the people around her to pick up the slack for once. But not me.

No, sir. I put on my bitch face and curl up in a ball on my couch and seethe and throw things at people.

25 comments:

Warped Mind of Ron said...

"No, sir. I put on my bitch face and curl up in a ball on my couch and seethe and throw things at people."

You say that like it's a bad thing??? {{HUGS}} Hope you get your super powers back soon.

Scooter said...

Kris, you are a gifted writer, a talented illustrator, and a good mom. Your skills, determination, and motivation will propel you to success in this most trying time.

It's still gonna be scary, and it's still gonna be tough. But you've got this.

ty bluesmith said...

i think it's nice when ppl get laid-off around the holidays. it gives them more time at home with the ppl who love them.

Krissyface said...

Ron, Thanks for the cyber hug. I just need to get my blood back, and I'll be ok.

Scoot, I appreciate the boost. You're a good guy. Kim is lucky.

Ty, I like it too. It gives me something to seethe about.

The Third String said...

Krock... we're in this together. And I really think we're gonna be alright. Remember everything I said about the top-side / flip-side. And then keep in mind that we have two superiors that think the world of us. I think it's going to be fine. Honestly. I really do. Hang tough.

Jack said...

*hugs*

However shit things look, they'll be okay. Besides, you can always wear me as pants.

Pronto said...

There's only one cure for your woes,

two words:

Santa Hat !

just sayin'

Krissyface said...

Oh, Jack. I love your creative solutions.

Pronto, quite right, m'dear.

xl said...

"Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. Ahh, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too..."

Bill Lumbergh
Office Space

Hang in there. Maybe watch the movie, in an ironic way, of course.

Kimber said...

Hmmm... why is your middle expanding? A bun? hmmm? I just had to say something because when I don't it's always true then I yell I knew it! I did, really! But they don't believe me because I didn't say anything. Therefore, I just ensured that that is not the case by saying something. But then there I went and reversed the jinx.
I have taken to wearing stretchy sweat pants for my expanding belly. What the hell are they gonna do - fire you?

nitewalk6 said...

<<{{{{HUG}}}}>>
Perhaps you need a good lay to settle your nerves about getting laid?

Jack said...

Look how popular you are. 8^)

jeremy said...

hey kim: shut up.

Memphis Steve said...

Don't you watch "Heroes"? Everyone has lost all their powers. You'll get them back in a later episode, but for now you're feeling crappy for the benefit of good ratings. I'm like totally serious.

In the meantime, I'll hit you up for nude pics again if it'll make you feel better. I know it will me.

Sproactually said...

Every year since like 1993 I have worked in a shrinking work place. The last few years it is one and two get tapped at a time. It makes a for a crappy place to work.

The first ones to go at IBM got nice packages as they were deemed "surplus" The rest of us got surviors guilt.

I fret over losing my job all the time. And I understand how if feels to watch others go, and how the worry can take over. I know the spot your in, and I hope it does not happen to you.

No one told me that being an adult was going to suck this much..

Memphis Steve said...

Oh and also, big hugs from me, too. And I won't even be creepy while I do it or anything.

Krissyface said...

XL, I loved that freakin movie. Wasn't that the guy who played the dad in "The Brady Bunch" movie?

Oh, Miiike, How?
Oh, Miiike, Why?
Oh, Miiiike, When?

Kim, I heart my stretchy pants. Just like Nacho Libre.

Nitewalk, Quite so, my friend...quite so.

Jack, Popular ain't gonna pay my bills, dig?

J, you don't have to be hostile to my readers. I'm not pregnant. YET!


MS-Actually being asked for nude photos does somehow make me feel better. And A non-creepy hug would be nice...

SS-you work for IBM? I didn't know that...

Donny Ruth said...

Moustaches are back in, which I always enjoy since I've had the same badass lip duster since the autumn of 1978.

The recipe for lesbian brownies is a long kept family secret. My lesbian aunt would be mortified if I gave out the recipe. I'll give you a small hint though...

The secret ingredient is double sided dildoes.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I have that diarrhea nervous thing going too at work but then again, it could be the fact that I have diarrhea. These are scary times and while keeping a job would be rad, I would then expect my yr end bonus to be a hug from my boss. My tears have run dry so now i'm just marinating in my genius. Keep on writing.

Sproactually said...

25 F'ing years, the endurance test continues

Prunella Jones said...

It is a scary time all right. I think you'll be okay though. You've got spunk, girl.

Also, did you know they pay $$ for plasma? I made $40 doing that one time. Hey, it'll buy one bag of groceries at least.

Krissyface said...

I was actually thinking of harvesting some eggs but I'm too old. Fuckers.

Jack said...

Hear that everybody? Fuck off unless you've got money for Krissy!

jespur said...

I once saw an interview with the wonderful Helen Mirren where she is asked why she always wears skirts or dresses. She said (paraphrased, cause my mind is like a sieve) "Oh, God, my ass is just too big for pants." Since then I figured if Helen Mirren says it, then it works for me, cause she's a goddess. Skirts, especially wool ones can be perfectly warm in the winter with some tights and and a good pair of boots. Plus, they lift up easy if you need a quicky to help boost your mood. ;)

Krissyface said...

I knew you had my back, Jack...

Jess, you're funny. A quickie. Never thought of the many advantages of skirts...