Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Santa is made-up, sweetie. Just like god.


I sort of tread lightly around the idea of Santa Claus.

Don't get me wrong. I'm no scrooge, but I simply don't like to encourage the belief that, instead of me getting Lily gifts, there is a fat jolly old bitch who sneaks in the window (we live in an apartment, so we've had to revise the story somewhat...no chimney. So Santa is a sort of creepy cat burglar), and brings her presents that he made in his 'toyshop' (China).

While I certainly don't want to have that kid who marches into kindergarten and ruins Christmas for all her pals by announcing that Santa is bullshit, I'm not a big fan of lying to my daughter, either. Especially when I'm a hardworking single mama who isn't that keen on letting some made up guy take credit for bringing my kid shit that my hard-earned dollars bought, that my tired ass waited in line at Kay Bee's going out of business sale to purchase, that I spent precious work hours online at Amazon to order.

Still, there is merit to the magic of Santa. I have learned much since last Christmas.

But. Unless Lily comes out and asks me if Santa is real, which she hasn't, I sort of just don't mention him. He's there in the backdrop, a nice idea, part of a Christmas parable that makes the holiday more magical and sweet. But I think the holiday is about so much more than presents and Santa Claus. I don't really talk about him that much, and I certainly don't weild him as a weapon to keep Lily's behavior in line, as so many American parents seem to do. There's this secretary at work, who I hear daily screaming on the phone at her four year old, "Stop hitting Grandpa, or Santa won't bring you any toys!!!"

That shit is fucked up.

19 comments:

Jack said...

Loved the bit about China.

Scooter said...

I think the better question is to ask why the hell her kid is hitting his or her Grandfather.

Blegh. Toddler on elder violence.

Sproactually said...

The first Christmas I spent divorced my middle son was 7 or 8, I overheard on the phone with one of his friends

"I know there has to be a santa, my dad would not buy all this stuff"

So there you have, he's real.

ty bluesmith said...

i hate my ex-wife.

thank-you very much.

The Third String said...

I totally get where you're coming from. Honest, I do. But sometimes you have to believe in something magical. Sometimes in life that's all you have to hold on to. I don't think there's any harm in it. I think it's kind of cool. You're right though. Using it as a weapon is pathetic. It's bullshit.

Also, you might as well let her believe in him since, in a perfect world, he'd drop off his gifts, sneak into your room and boink you and be on his way. You said it. Not me.

Krissyface said...

Jack, well, it sure ain't the north pole, mothafuckah...

Scoot, I didn't ask, because I don't care.

Steve, that's a grand opportunity to correct the shit out of your kid. If you know what I mean...

Ty, Why?

String, I don't recall saying anything about getting raped by Santa. What do you take me for?

The Third String said...

"What do you take me for?"

A strong, intelligent, caring, hard-working woman and nymphomaniac with a fetish for Santa Claus.

Scooter said...

Santa rape.

Well, thank you String. It's official, I am completely desensitized.

Seriously, I bet I could watch a Somalian orphan get raped by a furry wearing a Richard Nixon mask, and then have a Ho-Ho.

Krissyface said...

And yet, you come back day after day...you like to be tortured, doncha Scoot?

Prunella Jones said...

If you really want to turn her off Santa you can tell her the legend of
Krampus I first learned about it when I was in Europe and noticed, holy shit, Santa and his elves were some scary fuckers.

kay zee said...

Re: Prunella-
KRAMPUS-

Shudders*

jeremy said...

oh, santa will be up the old "backdrop" this weekend, alright...

(if you get my drift)

nitewalk6 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nitewalk6 said...

Yes Virginia, you ARE a good Mom!

catscratch said...

If there is a Santa, he's a homo like his little elves.

Like a Bulldog bangin a chihuahua... Jeez.

And I told my daughter that last year... of course, she's 22 so she wasn't totally scarred for life.

xl said...

Maybe Bad Santa as counter-programming, if necessary. Just saying.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Fun Fact: 87% of all department store Santas are pedophiles.

::::wifemothermaniac:::: said...

We openly pretend there's a Santa, and have fun openly pretending. My oldest knows it's us, but we still have fun with the idea, and they get an extra round of gifts out of it.

rkintn said...

I've always hated the idea of lying to my kids about Santa, too. But once you start down that twisted road is hard getting out of it. Unless they ask, which my 7 year old did this year and I told her the truth. Funny thing is, it doesn't seem to bother her AND she was totally amazed I was the Easter Bunny too and that I had bought her all the neat stuff she got at Easter this year!

Eat shit imaginary people who want to take the credit for making my kids happy:)!

PS
She's on strict orders not to screw it up for her 5yo brother. I hope he comes around soon:)

PPS
Thanks for the visit and like Cary, you rock!