Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Shaun Cassidy and me – The love story continues

Part II
Imaginary friends and paper towel tanktops

I continued to watch The Hardy Boys every week and despise that whore Nancy Drew.

And so my love for Shaun grew and grew, and, as is only natural, things progressed with us to the obvious next level:

The Hardy Boys had become my imaginary friends.

Here's how it worked. My friend Kelly, who lived down the block and had two older brothers who not only wouldn't play with her, but also tortured her, spent a lot of time at my house. We played pretend girl games like Gilligan's Island and Supermodel and she was, I think, the first person I ever kissed. We were five though, so calm down, you goddamned drooling sex perverts.

Anyway, Kelly always enthusiastically jumped right into the strange, illusory worlds I created. She was the perfect, willing beta to my alpha-girl commander of pretend play, always consenting to be Ken or Gilligan or even Jack in "Three's Company".

It was during these pretend games with Kelly that I first got the idea of playing Nancy Drew. This morphed into Nancy Drew and 'Friend' (She was, of course the 'friend'), then eventually it became Sexy Nancy Drew and 'Sexy Friend'.

Being sexy at five meant taking off our shirts and sneaking a paper towel roll up to my room, then ripping off lengths of Bounty and winding them around our middles, thereby creating our own home made tube tops. Crimes always got solved better when Sexy Nancy Drew and Sexy Friend wore disco clothes.

Now, in this game, we didn't actually solve any crimes, we just chased the Hardy Boys around my house. We would spend hours running up and down the stairs, clutching at our tube tops, popping in and out of bedrooms, on the hunt for those elusive Boys.
Once we found them, we would bring them back to my room (sometimes via lasso...I also loved Lynda Carter's 'Wonder Woman' at the time) and kiss them.

Chasing The Hardy Boys was hard, dirty work.
We would skid into the kitchen and demand my mother tell us their whereabouts. She'd look up, take a sip of coffee, then gesture wearily with her cigarette, "That way..." and go back to her book.

I played this game whenever Kelly came over, but also by myself. Sometimes I would skip the chasing part altogether and bring the Boys Hardy right into my room. Sometimes I let my little sister play too, but at three, Lisa did not yet understand the intricacies of seductively solving crime. Not to worry, though. That Christmas, Lisa and I would receive Shaun Cassidy dolls and things were about to completely change...

(to be continued...)


jeremy said...

paper towel tube tops?

gives new meaning to the phrase "quicker picker upper."

Krissyface said...

Yeah, I guess.

If you're into picking up five year olds.


The Third String said...

Okay. One more time. YOU BITCH! FINISH THE STORY! It's like that old late 70s television show Cliffhangers. You'd get four fifteen minute segments of four different stories always continuing until the next week. I don't remember much. Just Dracula.

Anonymous said...

Very cute. 8^)

Warped Mind of Ron said...

OMG!! This is so strange!!! I'm sitting at home now wearing a paper towel tube top. Seriously this is beginning to scare me!

nitewalk6 said...

Very 'absorbing' story.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

So how often do you make out with chicks? And can I watch??

Krissyface said...

String, relax. Patience is a virtue.

Jack, Cute? That's all you got?

Ron, why doesn't that surprise me? Seriously...

Nitewalk, omglol! You and Jeremy should get together and write a joke book.

Dyck, not that often. Well, that's not true. Pretty often, actually.

Anonymous said...

WTF, girl? I can't just say you're cute and not be an asshole for a change?

How about, so you've always been a slut, huh?

Or, so you always wanted a Cassidy, but ended up with a Partridge.

Or, was the doll melted when you pulled it out (from up the-)?

Krissyface said...

Jack, that's better, motherfucker.

Damn right.


Prunella Jones said...

Merry Xmas, Krissyface! I hope you and your lovely daughter are having a great day.

I used to pretend Big Shirley from the show "What's Happening" was my best friend and that together we'd sass all my teachers and the mean kids who picked on me, and everyone would be jealous.

I still feel like the people on TV are my friends. Is that wrong?

Krissyface said...

Pru, I loved Shirl! I actually wanted to be Dee, though...Raj's sister...she was SO super sassy.
Wait, are we not supposed to think people on tv are our friends?

That seriously limits my number of friends, if that's the case, fuck...

anyway, merry christmas to you too. Also to your mom and your kitty and your monkey. xo

Cindy-Lou said...

I gotta say it.

You're weird.

catscratch said...

Growing up in the 80s was the best. We had secret clubs that were exclusive and these places were littered with photos of all the hot boys of the day...

Have you seen Leif Garrett lately??