Coffee with MILF

Good morning, lovelies. Oh, how I have missed you, one and all. Well, most of you. Some of you.

It seems the more interesting my personal life gets, the less captivating my blog entries become. One might argue, then, that my life must always have been a great fascinating trip, and to that person I would say Sit and Spin. I mean, really. That's just not nice.

I'm riding the Jittery Starbucks Express this morning, as as I've already had helping number 2 and it's just 8 am. Also, I'm now keeping a secret stash of chocolate-covered espresso beans in my desk and on my person at all times; these are my secret weapon, the Mom-equivalent of coke bumps or little hits from a meth pipe. Yummmmm. I will henceforth have the beans ever-at-the-ready, since Mama is running on fumes to get through a day of work, shrink appointment, and evening PTA meeting. I fucking do it all.

It's funny. My life is so different than what I'd have expected it to be. And yet, I have to say, I am really pretty pleased with the way things seem to be turning out. Though I've never been one to buy into fairy-tale bullshit, I am starting to believe that Happily Ever After can be just about anything you decide it's gonna be.

On Monday I put my John Hancock on the papers that will officially dissolve a marital union of almost ten years. A union that I am more and more surprised lasted as long as it did, and should probably never, ever have been in the first place. Though my marriage to Shawn was not a bad time. And it yielded our amazing Lily Alice, so I'm more convinced that everything in this life happens for a reason.

There was no ceremony, no sentimental tears, no "Fuck You"s. We signed the papers, rode home together in a cab and had dinner as a family. We held hands before a meal of sushi takeout and said grace (Lily: "Thank you god for the trees and birds, and for the food on the table, and for Jesus on the table"), then listened to Coldplay and danced around the kitchen and took video of Lily doing performance art on the counter in nothing but a hippie beaded necklace and her faux fur coat (and no, she did not look like a baby prostitute, it was more of a Jim Morrison effect).

What I'm saying, folks, is that life goes on. The road twists and bends and sometimes there are giant cracks in it and sometimes you fucking fall into them, but you know, you eventually climb on out. the Universe has a plan. There is always a plan.

Me and BabyDaddy are going to raise our daughter to be a wonderful, creative, strong and gentle contributor to society (and one who hopefully won't get anymore time outs for pinching a classmate at kindergarten...wtf???), and that's how it's gonna be.

I'm hopeful. Today, I'm really hopeful.