Friday, March 7, 2008

Barbie is a Ho-bag



Was Barbie always this trampy? I seem to remember my barbies having careers and western outfits and a left hands with tiny holes in to slip a plastic microphone into because they were total disco superstars. My barbies had jordache jeans and pink fuzzy sweaters. Not dominatrix shoes and see through nighties. What the fuck?

Things just seemed a little sweeter and innocent and Loves Baby Soft-scented back when I played with these little plastic girls.
Like...

Angel Face Barbie. She had a respectable Victorian thing going on. No way she was even showing an ankle.

Working Girl. An inspiration to young ladies everywhere. I played with this barbie and fed my fantasies of moving to the city and having a big career as an administrative assistant.

The most seductive thing Western Barbie did was wink at you with one big oversized eye when you pressed a button on her back.

I don't know which one this is, but she's got a fancy cape on and her long braid is reminiscent of a jehovahs witness girl I used to know in elementary school.

And what barbie wouldn't want to go to the prom with this handsome devil? Just look at that moustache! Every guy in my local high school looked like him. So dreamy.

But Barbie and co. are different now. Dare I say, tainted, somehow? These are the barbies of today that Lily gets to play with:


Oh, something stinks at Mattel.

18 comments:

Pronto said...

Ugggghhhhh

Barbie #1 has a camel toe.

Too much information!!!!

oestrebunny said...

Have you seen the Bratz dolls? They actually scare me.

Scooter said...

I don't care about oversexualized pieces of plastic, yo. I had sex with an actual woman last night.

Human beings are much more interesting than a pound of sculpted latex...

Chele said...

I have to get that moustache ken doll, how awesome, its the coolest ken doll i have ever seen. its like that andy kaufmann character (brain block on his name)

jeremy said...

you know who else had tiny holes in the hands?

jesus.

Mr. Poopie said...

It all went down hill once Barbie's little friend got pregnant.

Krissyface said...

Pronto, I thought you liked camel toes?!!!

Bunny, I actually don't allow Bratz dolls in my house. You've gotta draw the line somewhere. Its one thing to have slutty toys. Quite another to have slutty, dysmorphic toys.

Scoot, congratulations! A real woman? For real?

Chele, Do you mean Tony Clifton? Totally.

Jeremy, But you couldn't put a plastic microphone in Jesus' hands. Because they hadn't invented plastic back then yet.

Mr. Poopie, I'm not sure which friend you're referring to, but like I said, they're all hos in my book. Every last plastic one of em.

Scooter said...

For reals, yo. She had a heartbeat and everything.

Pronto said...

No, I said I LOVE camel toes.

But, on a barbie doll???

Mister Underhill said...

I kinda like the slutty barbie.

Krissyface said...

Scoot, come on...are you sure she had a heart beat? Did you see Lars and The Real Girl?

Pronto...yeah, it is hard to get a CT on Barbie, esp. since she doesn't even have a vagina. So weird.

Krissyface said...

Underhill, I kind of figured you would :P

Wonder Woman said...

I love the stache!

As for Barbie, she was always slutty. A few, VERY few actually were not.

Perhaps it's cos I'm older... I remember Barbie being an unrealisitic "role model".

No wonder the idea of plastic surgery sounds so appealing ;-)

Prunella Jones said...

Wow, mustache Ken is porn-tastic!

Krissyface said...

Pru...I know, he's got a total John Holmes thing going. You know, without the, um, genitals.

WW-welcome! I know, they all were sluts. They just seem a little more in-your-face with it now.
Don't they? Maybe it's me. And you are only 3 years older than me, dear!

MsPuddin said...

I would be a slut too if I didn’t have a vagina and blonde hair. Yeah it kills me when I see little four-yr-olds walking around in mini skirts and ugg boots holding a Barbie…I can see her future now…

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Prunella Jones has a great avatar ...
Anyhooskinzz - I was reading along your blog here saying good funny good funny and then WHAM!!
This post is awesome. The first picture made me laugh out loud - very nice :-)

I enjoyed my stop at your blog, to say the least.

Hello from Speedy

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