Life looks really ugly and distorted when viewed through the miserable, vomitous veil of 4 hours sleep. Oh, dear holy god. I'm sorry for having offended thee. Whatever I said about, you know, not believing you and stuff in the past, well, you know I was just kidding. For real, I totally believe in you. And your power. And wretched vengefulness.
Lily caught this terrible bug that's going around. You know, the one where you don't get any symptoms except an alarmingly high fever (causing her hands to heat up like charcoal briquettes and her little feet to get clammy and cold...?). Oh, and the other symptom is the need to mercilessly abuse one's mom all night long like she's an indentured servant who needs to get whipped in the face when she brings you water that's not cool enough. Yeah. It was like that. All night. For two nights straight.
I mean, she didn't actually whip me in the face or anything, but after the third or fourth time she woke up I started to feel like that horse in the scene in "Gone With The Wind" that's been beaten with the crop too many times and its mouth is all foamy and it just drops dead in the red dirt. Because death is a welcome respite from the torture of enduring another second of trying to live.
So it's 12:30 and I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO and I'm putting off going to sleep, cause what's the point, really? Lily will just wake up in an hour and thrust her horrible little feet in my face and demand something ridiculous, like that I cut her pajama bottoms into shorts because she's too hot. Normally, as most of you know, Lily is a very pleasant and lovely little girl. But this illness has turned her into satan's mistress in the wee hours of night. She doesn't fully wake up and is mad with fever and totally irrational. Twice last night she demanded that I listen while she told me a bedtime story (at 3 am) about two princesses named Rubella and Chaka that went on forever. I just started to cry involuntarily.
The smart, healthy thing to do would be to go to bed anyway, grab whatever sleep I can before Freddy Krueger comes slashing through my half-dreams demanding crackers and more children's Motrin. Oh, good night then.
This SHIT is BANANAS
4 years ago
12 comments:
Children are such a joy at times.
I know you've heard the line... Sell em when there young.. Starting to make sense yet??
Scary stuff when you kids are that sick, and it all falls onto you to make sure she's okay.
Hope she's feel better soon, and you too.
Hope she feels better.
When I was in college, I actually listened to a girl give a how to speech on how to cut jeans into shorts - you could have used that speech... if I would have listened and not wondered how she was in college, I might have been able to help you.
Sproactually may be right... the fact you didn't send her to military school kind of makes anything she does in your presence your fault. (-: (sorry - just my strange sense of humor).
Have a better 1.
Better you than me sista!
I always hated it when the kids got ill. It IS scary sometimes and you feel helpless.
I wish you both good health and rest!
I hate to break it to you, but I think this cold is just causing Lily's true colors to come out. I know you don't see it because you're her mother, but that is EXACTLY how she treats everyone. Last time I saw her, she pulled a knife on me and made me go buy her some wine coolers and smokes. She may have kept it in check for a while so you'd take her to Disneyworld, but now that the trip's over you can expect a lot more ugliness.
Still, she shouuld get lots of rest and drink a lot of fluids.
By the way, this is redpants. I don't know what's up with the comments section.
Well, at 105 brain damage sets in. You should put her in a bath with warm but not hot water. that will cool her down.
You're a better mom than I am. I cannot be held responsible for my actions at 3am. When my son wakes up with growing pains in the middle of the night I throw some Tylenol and the heating pad in his room and hope it hits him so he'll know it's there.
Bunny, yes, aren't they? And by joy, I mean pain. Lots and lots of pain.
Steve-welcome back! Someone offered me money for Lily when she was a baby. Back when she was still really sweet. Damn missed opportunities.
Bumble-yes, I am definitely beginning to question that whole "attachment parenting" thing. Goddamned hippie doctor motherfuckers.
Shambhu-from your mouth to gods ears.
Diva-thanks and same to you!
Redpants-you fucker. I knew those wine coolers were for you.
Underhill-Yeah, I'm hoping there wasn't any brain damage. But her behavior sure has been strange...
CL- LOL. You are funny.
Poor little girl. But yeah, I think I'd be begging the doctor for some baby Ambien. Do they have that? Or give her a teensy drop of whiskey with honey and lemon. Actually I remember my grandma giving me that as a kid for chest colds. It worked great and it didn't turn me into an alcoholic or anything. I'm a drug addict.
Hi sweetie! How's the health goin?
pru--I have considered drugging Lily several times.
Benadryl is as far as I've gotten, and she's th rare kid who has the opposite reaction--it makes her friggin hyper. So, no go.
cat-she's better now! Thanks!
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