Monday, March 17, 2008

Strippers, hookers, and nuns

I was out with a friend last night and the topic turned inevitably to the Spitzer debacle. I know I spent the first part of last week calling this sad moron a consciousless douchebag but the more that comes out about this unfortunate situation, the more I pity the poor bastard. There's no way you spend $80 grand on escorts unless you have a serious problem with sex addiction. I don't care how good Kristen the hooker is. A vagina is a vagina is a vagina. I mean, what is the real difference between a $500/hr prostitute and a $2,000/hr prostitute? Would you be able to tell in a blind taste test? And anyway, Ms. Kristen can't be that good, she can't even spell. I went to her myspace page.
That said, I think Eliot needs help and I hope he gets it. Poor guy. And his even poorer wife.

So last night I'm sitting comfortably atop a barstool, legs crossed in their usual yogic pretzel-position. And I'm verbally spraying everyone within 5 feet with my supposedly unorthodox views about prostitution (which, it turns out, are not unorthodox at all, the more I talk to people). I think it should be legalized. Duh. This is a service which has been in feverishly high demand since the beginning of time, so obviously making it illegal doesn't make it go away. It's as popular as ever. Anyway, so we get into the whole juciy discussion about how the government can't regulate people's morals, though it always tries, etc.


So, all this stimulating talk aroused some pretty interesting dreaming last night at bedtime:

I'm in my high school talent show. (I should mention that I took a trip to my old high school on Saturday. A big, majestic private Catholic school complete with a nunnery on the top floor. So that brought up some weird shit, i guess.) So I'm in the talent show, and when the time comes for me to go on, I decide that instead of doing the interpretive dance i'd had planned, I am gonna do a provocative striptease. I peel off my clothes and get down to a heinous Fredericks Of Hollywood red and black see-through teddy reminiscent of Tim Curry's sweet transvestite. In the dream I have a totally ugly tattoo on my belly--I'm not sure what, but I am suddenly aware of its ugliness and am sorry that I got it and I look down at myself and it becomes very obvious that what I'm doing is insanely inappropriate and I feel like I've lost all credibility as a good Catholic girl.
Well, then I wake up.

What do you think this means?

14 comments:

Sproactually said...

I can't really speak to the prostitution thing, it's something that's never come up, or that I felt compelled to try, even with my loose morals. Haha. And after seeing the ones in NY strolling home at 6AM Sunday morning on Lexington avenue and Broadway around 23rd st, pretty much seals the deal for me. Daylight is not a friend of that business. I guess I'm interested in more than that actual "act".

But this Catholic school girl thing,.. I think it means that your not really interested in anything from Frederick's of Hollywood. Its your inner shopper steering you to a better, more respectable grade of lingerie. Perhaps something with more of a pastel hue, or a darker more maroon instead of red, not too shiny, front closing.. oh wait, these are my dreams, never mind.

Chele said...

I share your view on prostitution, when you live in Bangkok you meet many of them and hear their stories. In fact many who live in poverty considers prostitution a noble job to help your family.

As for your dream, Im gonna take Freudian approach and say it has something to do with how sex and kinkyness is such taboo in the catholic world, how many are taugt that seeking this pleasure is a sin and bad. I dont know...something in that direction. Or its your inner fantasy coming out ;)

Pronto said...

I, for another, agree with your stance on Spitzer AND prostitution, but not to the lengths that he went to obtain it.

But, on the other hand, if there are sports figures that can earn millions of dollars a year...

And, regarding your dream, I just can't seem to get past the visualization of you in that little red & black see-through number. Sorry ;-)

jeremy said...

::I mean, what is the real difference between a $500/hr prostitute and a $2,000/hr prostitute?::

$1,500/hr.

duh.

MsPuddin said...

vagina is vagina is vagina, until vagina has a baby...

Krissyface said...

Steve, I apprecitate the feedback. I'm so going to Victoria's Secret after work to pick up something maroon...

Chele, your comments always make me smile.

Pronto, I can get behind that. I think the lengths he went to were gross and exemplary of a gigantic ego. But still. An addict is an addict...

Jeremy, I think we should do the taste test.

Ms. P...then vagina needs reconstructive surgery.

Mister Underhill said...

I can't comment on the 500 vs 2000 thing, but I will say there's a huge difference between 10 dollars and 50 dollars.

Krissyface said...

Mr. U...I wish you'd enlighten me.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Kristen may be pricey, but at least she offers her clients a payment plan. She can even set up automatic deductions from your paycheck. After all, how can you miss the money if you never had it to begin with??

highwaisted said...

funny first paragraph!

Scooter said...

I think this means that you have conflicting opinions on what it means to be a woman in this society, and your brain is trying to figure it out.

Or, you drank a little too much.

Krissyface said...

Dyck, I know, right? You can't beat the...savings?

Highwaisted, Welcome! And thank you.

Scoot, If only that was my only conflict, dear. If only.

Mr. Poopie said...

Sounds like you should have stuck with the dancing . . .

Prunella Jones said...

::I mean, what is the real difference between a $500/hr prostitute and a $2,000/hr prostitute?::

Unprotected anal, or so I hear.

I think prostitution should be legalized too but only if they can do away with pimps.