Thursday, March 27, 2008

Mamma Mia!

As many of you know, I am a mighty rabid fan of a little Swedish megaband called ABBA. Yeah, I'll say it again.
I FUCKING LOVE ABBA.



The first time I heard "Dancing Queen", I was maybe 5 and in the back seat of my parents'car and was overwhelmed with inexplicable joy and visualizations of a teenaged me dancing on the beach with my friends (note: absent from said vision were wine coolers, Marlboro Lights, and Cool Ranch Doritos, which were all present in real life years later. Also vomiting teenaged football players).

I think life should be like an ABBA song: Jovial, fun, filled with hope and abandon and irrepressable glee. Oh god, hang on. I just have to vomit up my Starbucks in my wastebasket.

But let's get serious, folks. And switch the topic. To death.

Specifically, the death of ABBA's studio drummer Ola Brunkert.

Even more specifically, the horrible, blood-soaked death of Ola Brunkert.

From TMZ.com:

March 17: Spanish police say the gruesome death was caused by a freak accident in which Brunkert bled to death after puncturing his throat with a broken piece of glass. According to CNN, police believe the drummer may have fallen against a glass partition that separated his kitchen from his garden, causing the glass to break and fatally cut his throat.


Fuckin' EEEEWWWW!

Now, after taking a moment of silence to honor Ola and rue his loss of life due to the slashed throat and all (I wonder if he was drinking? Nah), I started thinking really hard about death. Like, the grossest deaths ever. This started me on a morose and fascinating research path. I decided to spend some time with Dr. Wiki.
Here's what I came up with:

Death by Scarf
Isadora Duncan, dancer
"The automobile was going at full speed when the scarf of strong silk began winding around the wheel and with terrific force dragged Miss Duncan, around whom it was securely wrapped, bodily over the side of the car, precipitating her with violence against the cobblestone street."

Death by Robot
Robert Williams was the first man ever killed by a robot. On January 25, 1979, Williams climbed into a storage rack at the Ford Motor’s Flat Rock casting plant to retrieve a part because the parts-retrieval robot malfunctioned. Suddenly, the robot reactivated and slammed its arm into Williams’ head, killing him instantly.


Death by Decapitation by Helicopter Rotor Blades
Actor Vic Morrow died on the set of Twilight Zone: The Movie when a helicopter spun out of control due to special effect explosions, crashed, and decapitated him with its rotor blades.


Death by Bottle Cap
Tennessee Williams died in 1983 after he choked on a bottle cap in his hotel room.
Again, I'm sure alcohol played no part in this. No way. Not possible.

I think this is my favorite, though:

Death by Beard
Austrian Hans Steininger was famous for having the world’s longest beard (it was 4.5 feet or nearly 1.4 m long) This was in 1567. When a fire broke out in his town, in haste Hans forgot to roll up his beard. He accidentally stepped on his beard, lost balance, stumbled, broke his neck and died.

Happy Friday!

Love, Kristin

16 comments:

Scooter said...

Well, gee. All I have going for me is a possible moped vehicular accident. Or maybe I'll set myself on fire accidentally when burning brush this spring... WHEN IT EVENTUALLY ARRIVES...

Krissyface said...

Oh, Scoot. It will come. Keep that chin up. I know though, I mean, DEATH BY ROBOT??? That's so awesome!!!

Krissyface said...

Actually, Scoot, you could cook bacon while naked...that could make for a good story.

Catscratch Diva said...

Sweet morbidity for a Friday. I loves it!

I was really sad to hear about Ola. Abba rocked ass.

Cindy-Lou said...

Did you hear about the sting ray that killed the woman in florida?
JUMPED OUT OF THE WATER AND SMACKER HER IN THE FACE.
Now, that's a hilarious visual.

Krissyface said...

Cat, Yes, they do rock ass. My ass be rockin' to them constantly.

CL--OMG, I totally heard about that. I think it popped up and hit her in the face, then she fell and whacked her head on the boat or something? I so wish I'd been there. Sigh.

Sproactually said...

I Had the hots for the Blond.

Whats even sadder, I have ABBA albums. (not CD's)

Pronto said...

Death by robot - that's wicked.

Death by bacon - that's even wickederer.

Prunella Jones said...

Wow, we are soul mates. I love imagining the most spectacular ways to die. Hey, we've all got to go sometime. Might as well go out in a way that will horrify people for years afterward.

I love the song Fernando. RIP Ola.

jeremy said...

one down, three to go.

thanks, easter bunny!!!

Krissyface said...

Steve, I don't think that's sad. I think that's hilarious! You'll be laughing all the way to the bank when they become collectors items.

Pronto, I think dying in a giant vat of bacon would be the most divine death imaginable.

Pru, I think thinking about dying in gross ways helps fend off the grim reaper. Of course, I am wrong. But it helps to imagine this.

Jeremy, He was the STUDIO drummer. Not part of the original fab four.
Have I taught you nothing? Tsk tsk.

Scooter said...

All right, Kris. 2085, come rain or shine, we have a date for bacon oblivion.

Krissyface said...

Scoot Dear, it's a date.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Here's an oldie but a goodie:

Bad Day at the Circus

A circus act in Romania ended in tragedy on 23 January when fire-eater Vlad Cazacu, 43, belched in mid-performance and was blown to bits. Incredibly no one came to his rescue as stunned onlookers assumed this was part of an amazing illusion. Consequently this unfortunate man, who probably could have been saved, was allowed to just lie there and die.

"In the first part of the performance," said fellow circus performer Nicole Antosu, "Vlad held a flammable cocktail in his mouth to spit fire at a burning torch. Somehow, he must have swallowed some of the liquid, because when he burped he triggered an explosion." The Parrot (Accra, Ghana) - 2-8 June 1998

jeremy said...

oh, you've taught me alright...

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