As many of you know, I am a mighty rabid fan of a little Swedish megaband called ABBA. Yeah, I'll say it again.
I FUCKING LOVE ABBA.
The first time I heard "Dancing Queen", I was maybe 5 and in the back seat of my parents'car and was overwhelmed with inexplicable joy and visualizations of a teenaged me dancing on the beach with my friends (note: absent from said vision were wine coolers, Marlboro Lights, and Cool Ranch Doritos, which were all present in real life years later. Also vomiting teenaged football players).
I think life should be like an ABBA song: Jovial, fun, filled with hope and abandon and irrepressable glee. Oh god, hang on. I just have to vomit up my Starbucks in my wastebasket.
But let's get serious, folks. And switch the topic. To death.
Specifically, the death of ABBA's studio drummer Ola Brunkert.
Even more specifically, the horrible, blood-soaked death of Ola Brunkert.
March 17: Spanish police say the gruesome death was caused by a freak accident in which Brunkert bled to death after puncturing his throat with a broken piece of glass. According to CNN, police believe the drummer may have fallen against a glass partition that separated his kitchen from his garden, causing the glass to break and fatally cut his throat.
Now, after taking a moment of silence to honor Ola and rue his loss of life due to the slashed throat and all (I wonder if he was drinking? Nah), I started thinking really hard about death. Like, the grossest deaths ever. This started me on a morose and fascinating research path. I decided to spend some time with Dr. Wiki.
Here's what I came up with:
Death by Scarf
Isadora Duncan, dancer
"The automobile was going at full speed when the scarf of strong silk began winding around the wheel and with terrific force dragged Miss Duncan, around whom it was securely wrapped, bodily over the side of the car, precipitating her with violence against the cobblestone street."
Death by Robot
Robert Williams was the first man ever killed by a robot. On January 25, 1979, Williams climbed into a storage rack at the Ford Motor’s Flat Rock casting plant to retrieve a part because the parts-retrieval robot malfunctioned. Suddenly, the robot reactivated and slammed its arm into Williams’ head, killing him instantly.
Death by Decapitation by Helicopter Rotor Blades
Actor Vic Morrow died on the set of Twilight Zone: The Movie when a helicopter spun out of control due to special effect explosions, crashed, and decapitated him with its rotor blades.
Death by Bottle Cap
Tennessee Williams died in 1983 after he choked on a bottle cap in his hotel room.
Again, I'm sure alcohol played no part in this. No way. Not possible.
I think this is my favorite, though:
Death by Beard
Austrian Hans Steininger was famous for having the world’s longest beard (it was 4.5 feet or nearly 1.4 m long) This was in 1567. When a fire broke out in his town, in haste Hans forgot to roll up his beard. He accidentally stepped on his beard, lost balance, stumbled, broke his neck and died.
The Blizzard of '17
3 days ago