Thursday, April 17, 2008

Genitalia

Four and five-year-olds are obsessed with gentials: Their own, each other's, even the unmentionables of the family cat. I was talking with my mom pals at the playground about this yesterday. My friend Heather told us that she was in the tub with her baby daughter when her son Lucas (Lily's betrothed), came into the bathroom and wanted to hop in with them. Heather's husband told him to wait until the girls were done. Then when it was Lucas's turn to bathe, he climbed into the tub and said, "First the vaginas take a bath, now it's the penises turn!"

Lately my morning shower has gone from peaceful solitary ritual to the naked party starring Mom and Lil. I leave Lily with her smoothie and Elmo for a few minutes to calmly slip into the bathroom. I stand under the warm, soothing stream and drift into my own head, only to be knocked back to reality by the slamming of the toilet lid and the yanking back of the curtain as a skinny, ghost-white nudie pygmy of a girl climbs into the shower with me, pointing at my crotch and asking when I'm planning to shave. Sigh.



In other news, I've been having very bizarre dreams lately. Last night I got a great sleep for the first time in perhaps weeks. This enabled me to drift into deep REM and dream that I was a social activist trying to make a chain of sausage links that stretched around the whole globe. Kind of like a "Hands Across America" but with meat.

I guess I have sausage on the brain.

Hee Hee!

15 comments:

Pronto said...

Actually, I think it means that any age can be obsessed with genitals.

Likely true for me, too. ;-)

Krissyface said...

Pronto,
I have no idea what you're talking about. Except that, yes I do.

Pronto said...

It's all good then.

Very, very good.

Ginormous Boobs said...

I go to sleep with sausage on the brain and have woken up a few times this week with peen pics on my phone...I must be manifesting dirty cell pictures.

Pronto said...

Well, you know what they say....

"Whatever floats your boat" ...

Krissyface said...

Ginormous, how did the pics get on your phone? Exactly? Hmmmm...

Pronto, that's the great thing about America. You can float your boat any old way you like...

Ginormous Boobs said...

Pics sent while drunk.

Sproactually said...

Quote "I've been having very bizarre dreams lately"

Ummm.. I'd hardly call your blogs normal as either.

When you coming up to valley... its getting friggin beautiful out.

Krissyface said...

Steve, what are you trying to say?

I'll be up soon. I miss me some Hudson Valley.

Scooter said...

A world spanning sausage link? Isn't that a translated Italian insult?

Krissyface said...

No, Scoot. It's a gesture of meatly peace.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jack said...

Wait, why did the kid know that area gets shaved??

And, man, that's a lot of sausage.

I once watched in amusement as one of my sons stretched his penis on a cracker. Also, a playing card.

I'm sorry, I've been meaning to add you to my feeds for... a long time, and never did. I'll be around more now that it's been done.

Krissyface said...

Jack, um...yeah. I've been wondering why you've been neglecting me.

A cracker? Penis on a cracker? OMG.

She knows the area gets waxed, actually. Because once I had to take her with me when I got a brazillian. She was fascinated/scandalized. Please don't tell CPS. CPS, I'm joking! I'm joking! Ha, ha, ha.

catscratch diva said...

I'm full on obsessed with genitalia. Great, huh?

karla said...

First the vaginas, now the penises! I love it; that's hilarious! That pretty much sums up the adult male thinking, though, so that kid is very mature for his age.