Sunday, April 27, 2008

Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to bed we go

OMG you guys. I have the best news.

I have a new futon.

As some of you might know (but most of you do not, because it's an embarrassing detail of my life which I tend not to fucking broadcast), I have been sleeping on my couch for the better part of the last two months. Yeah. Curled up like a garden grub on three skinny cushions for the duration of the long, cold, night. After night. After night. It sucked a whole heck of a lot of ass.

But those days are over, y'all.

Because Mama got herself a special delivery from the Ikea Man.

I mean, of course I had a bed. Once upon a time. But it was, you know, my marital bed. After Shawn and I broke up I slept in it with Lil for a while, but I started hating that bed. I hated the way it creaked and sagged in the middle and it was just generally time for that bed to hit the trash heap. And be set on fire like the piece of shit it was.

Plus, I was starting to get the feeling that at some point, mama and daughter should probably start sleeping apart. Especially if I was ever gonna find her a brand new step-daddy.

Of course, being a touchy-feely earth mama, I have always been a strong advocate of everything Dr. Sears. I was way into baby-wearing, exclusive breastfeeding, organic, homemade baby food frozen in ice cube trays, non-violent communication, and of course, co-sleeping.

I saw no reason my baby should should ever be in a crib (Fucking baby jails!!! Cry it out, my ass! Barbaric!!!!)--I'd say, Why put her in that receptacle when she can sleep right here beside me? I mean, adults don't particularly care for sleeping alone, so why do we make our wee ones do it? Huh? Huh?
Riddle Me that, Dr. Spock, you fucking nazi!

So. I was able to justify my beliefs about co-sleeping for a long time. Years. I nursed Lily well beyond what is considered to be the "normal" time frame, and made no apologies for it. I railed against the sterilized way that American culture forces helpless babies to conveniently 'individuate' from their parents with things like baby swings and exersaucers and bouncy seats (I'd loudly proclaim them "Neglect-o-matics" while strutting around carrying my 20 lb toddler in a sling she had clearly outgrown). When Barbara Walters and Elizabitch Hasselback made wildly ignorant comments about how gross nursing in public was, who was right there on 7th Avenue in front of the ABC building with her shirt hiked up, along with all the other New York hippie moms, proudly feeding her baby by her very own breasts for an old-school Public Nurse-In?
(yep. This girl).

It wasn't until the demise of my marriage that I actually started to question my methods. I don't regret a second of Lily's upbringing to date, and I am still a strong advocate for the attachment style of parenting, but I did start to wonder if, now that we were a one-parent household, was I starting to encourage Lily to have a bond with me that was, perhaps, a little too attached?
Was there such a thing? I'm still not sure. But the last thing I would want to do is keep Lil from becoming healthy and independent. And I think it's probably a lot easier to fuck your kid up when there isn't a two-parent, good-cop, bad-cop dynamic all the time to keep things balanced.

So, the first step toward trying to give Lily a little sense of her individual self was to give her her own big-girl bed. And move me into the fucking living room. Yay for Mom.

I took my lumps. I did my time on the couch. But now I have my own big-girl bed. A lovely pull-out futon that's all mine. Mine, I say!!!

It's so cushy and warm and comfortable that I barely even got out of it this weekend. For real, y'all. I love it that much.

Life is pretty darned good.


oestrebunny said...

I too harbour a deep and undying love for my bed.

So@24 said...

I remember when I finally got my bed and tossed out my college futon.

It was bitter sweet, but I felt like such an adult at the time.

Chele said...

congrats on the bed, now have a good night sleep

Sproactually said...

I need to find a picture of the white linen couch, divorce spoils if you will, being cut apart by me with a sawzall, heaped on a funeral pyre and torched. I hated that couch.

Too bad you don't anyone with a full size half ton pickup truck to pick up your Ikea spoils. I lost my car in garage in the Ikea in Paramus, I parked it, walked in, rode the escalator up and wandered the giant serpentine aisles, back down, though the check outs and back into the garage. Walked over to the spot where I parked my old crappy Chevy, and it was gone!! I didn't care that it was gone, I was trying to figure out how to get the 2 rugs home. Then, as the looked around I didn't see the entrance I went in, I went up one level, and there was my car. Be nice if the exit was on the same level as the entrance... hmmph.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Wow... I've been checking out the IKEA site for a new bed myself. I'm trying to talk myself into spending the money soon :)

Krissyface said...

I just awoke from the most pleasant night's sleep. Aaah.

Yeah. College futon. I had one of those. And now I do again. Now that's progress. Wait...

lalalala...I did, thank you.

That sucks. But damn, I still love ikea. Did you really saw the couch in half? The worst thing I did was give Shawn's new ipod to my mom for her birthday.

It's so worth it to buy at Ikea. Money? Not much. It's on the cheap. And it shows. But hey, I'm on a budget, man.

Scooter said...

I hate Ikea with a white hot passion that burns with the intensity of a thousand suns. It isn't even their stuff... it's what they did to traffic on Ford road in Canton.

Ugh. Ikea sucks, sucks, sucks...

Krissyface said...

I feel that way about the Super Stop N Shop in Northport. But what can you do? I'm sure President Obama will change things. OK, that was maybe pushing your buttons a little bit.

Scooter said...

Kris, at this point, I would welcome anybody except a President Eliot Spitzer with Jim McGreevey as the vice President. Home boy has screwed up so much, only someone with no personal morals at all could do worse.

Pronto said...


Bravo to you to have the strength and fortitude to unravel the umbilical cord. It's a tough choice, but the right one, in my own humble opinion.

And now, you get to look forward to the official 'christening' of the new adult crib.

Wanna borrow some holy oil? ;-)

jeremy said...

nursing in public is only gross if the mother is ugly and/or fat.

but i tend to be pretty progressive like that.

catscratch diva said...

From what I've read here (not just this post but many of the others) I am already thinking you're a top notch mommy!!

Congrats on the futon!

Krissyface said...

Scoot, I must agree with you. You don't get much worse than the the Retarded Cowboy we've got running things now.

Pronto, You have holy oil?? Cool!!!

Jeremy, Or if she has hair on her chest. I mean, christ, wax that shit, won't you?

Cat, thanks a million. Sometimes I don't feel like that great a mama, but I know I'm doing alright most of the time.

Anonymous said...


I *LOVE* attachment parenting; I'm right there with you.

honkeie2 said...

I love the rare moments I get a bed all to myslef but I would never want a pro-long single bed sharing.
Hope the daddy hunt is doing well.