Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Got A Strange Magic

Hey! I just found out this fun fact:
The hippopotamus kills more people in Africa than any other animal! More than the cheetah, elephant or lion. Imagine!

Now, it's important to remember that this blessed and magical creature is by nature vegetarian(ie smart), but when threatened, Mr. Hippo can open his mouth wide enough to fit a four-foot child.
So, no letting little Johnnie get too close to the "yawning" hippo at the zoo! (They don't yawn, by the way. I know on that segment on Sesame Street, "Everybody Sleeps", it looks like the hippo is lazily prepping for a peaceful nap. But really he is feeling threatened by the schmuck camera man trying to film him and he's opening his mouth to expose his razor-sharp tusks. He is saying, I can and will bite holes in you. Get out of my grill, motherfucker.)

According to this study by Duke University, here are the top two ways people get killed by hippos:

1) Boating accidents - A hippo can fall asleep while resting underwater. In the same way we roll over while we are asleep, a hippo will lift it's nose above the water about every five minutes without even waking up. People in canoes passing by a sleeping hippo may never know a sleeping hippo is in the river until they whack it with a paddle. (Waking a sleeping hippo by whacking it with a paddle is never a good idea.) (note: Ha ha ha!!!)

2) Encounters at night - The only time hippos move far from the water is at night when they go to feed. People in Africa don't have many of their roads lit up by street lights. Often, people don't realize they are about to cross paths with a feeding hippo until it's too late. Hippos may charge if they are startled by a person passing in the dark. (Startling a hippo in the dark is also never a good idea.) (note: neither is startling the homeless guy on Lexington Avenue standing next to the dumpster with only one eye and the Night of the Living Dead gash across his forehead. Leave him be. Trust me on this.)

Happy Tuesday.

Love, Kristin


kay zee said...

hahaha Kristin's feelin' morbid as of late!

jeremy said...

3) when they're hungry hungry

jeremy said...

::The hippopotamus kills more people in Africa than any other animal::

but not more than the aids, i bet.


Ginormous Man Boobs said...

This makes Disney's Jungle Cruise that much more scary.

Pronto said...

hippo whacking

cow tipping

same fun, just a different outcome.

Catscratch Diva said...

Remember that game Hungry, Hungry Hippo??

Prunella Jones said...

I bet that one's name is Chompy.

Scooter said...

I actually learned that Hippos kill the most people than any other animal in Africa from MTV2 and The WildBoyz.

Whatever, knowledge is knowledge.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this wonderful post, I actually did know that fact about hippos but you put in such a way it was fascinating and 'fun' all over again. :)

Krissyface said...

KZ--I didn't think of that. But maybe you're right. There is a lot of death in my aura. Uh oh...

Jeremy--Aids is hilar.

Ginormous MB--I think that's a mechanical hippo though. His mouth girth could still fit a four year old though, I bet.

Pronto--very different outcome, yes. Let's try it!!!

Cat--This one is very hungry. Savagely hungry.

Pru--Chompy is a good name. Or Eaty. Or Killy. Or maybe Tramply. Or Don't-Whack-Me-With-A-Paddl-ey.

Scoot--Isn't that the one with Steve-O? He is so frightening.

Kate--thanks! I just visited your blog, Love it. Will certainly be back!

Sproactually said...

How many friggin hippos do you have in asssstoria?

I'd be more worried about being stabbed by the spiked hair of a long island quido on the #7 train.

And since I NEVER get to ride the #7 train, i'm going to make a boring train post about the R-36 cars that once went back and forth to flushing and Grand Central.

Pronto said...


So, how much do you tip a cow, anyways? 10% ? 15% ?

Not sure what would be appropriate...

Krissyface said...

Steve, Well that depends. Are you counting the hideous mean old ladies that live next door to me?

Pronto, I guess that depends on the quality of the cut of beef. Being a vegetarian, I wouldn't be abel to answer that. For a good steak, I'd say twenty percent though. OMGLOL

Krissyface said...

Jeremy, Hungry Hungry! Hilar!