Friday, December 14, 2007

How to pretty much guarantee not to get a response from me on an online dating site

1. Write me every day for a week requesting a "full body shot" of me, while your profile has only a picture of you inside your car, taken from about 50 feet away

2. Post pics of yourself holding up your shirt to show off your "pecs"

3. Write me poems with the word "princess" in them

4. Give my your cell phone number, IM address, work number, and hours you're available to talk before I even write you back

3. Send mysterious messages that don't say anything, but carry mysterious/sexy come-ons or just single words in the subject line like "Beautiful", or "You are my Astoria Queen"

3. Misspell the word "soul" (ie "I have a very kind sole")

4. Request any of the following in your criteria for the perfect mate:

a. "Janet Reno's brain in Jenna Jameson's body"
b. Someone "with no baggage"
c. Someone who wants to engage in "discreet, intimate activities"
d. An "older woman who's willing to teach a younger guy new tricks"

Just something to chew on, guys.

1 comment:

kugaloo said...

3. Misspell the word "soul" (ie "I have a very kind sole")

Maybe he has a kind sole fish at home, he'd like for you to meet!