Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Things that churn my butter right at this moment

Favorite Things
12/18/07 3:27 PM

1. Orbit Mint Mojito Gum
How can you get the effect of sitting in a balmy outdoor cafe in June whilst actually sitting in your cube at work in December? Why, I'm glad you asked. This gum is the shit, and no annoying rummy headache after the fact, because, well, it doesn't have any alcohol in it, of course.

2. Mika
OMG, I love love love this little man. He is the most kick-ass combination of Freddie Mercury and Vincent Clark that ever was. His music makes me so happy. I can't stop moving to it on the crowded subway. People seem to love this.

3. The bomb squad episode of Grey's Anatomy
This is a two-parter, and I downloaded both parts onto my ipod so I can watch it on the train. This gives me a reason to live when I get up in the morning. Naw, I am exaggerating but it does make standing the whole time on the train a lot less crappy. I am halfway through the second episode. I already know what happens but the suspense is still killing me. I just can't wait to cry at the end like I did when I first saw it. I plan to keep watching this over and over until my tear ducts are simply too dry to release any more tears and people on the train hold their bodies as far away as possible from the crazy crying woman watching her ipod.

4. "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis
I am not a huge fan of hers, but this song reminds me of something my hip ass Aunt Gio would have listened to in the 80s, groovin in her Miami kitchen and making something with tofu in it.

5. Diablo Cody http://diablocody.blogspot.com/
She is a goddess. If I could be half as good a writer as her I could die happy right now. I cannot wait to see "Juno".

6. Dwight Schrute
When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.

Hands down the most brilliantly written character on tv to date (in my opinion)

7. New York City
I am renewing my love-affair with you. It's easy to love you when you are all sparkly with lights and filled with commuters and tourists alight with goodwill and you aren't coated in gray, slushy snow yet. But nothing's gonna change my love for you. You're my first, my last, my everything.

8. Craig's List Personal Ads
I sometimes like to comb through these when I'm bored during the day.
Nothing like free online dating to attract the most interesting specimens:

I've seen my share of ads looking for someone with my name, so now it's my turn. I'm looking for a woman, named Catherine, who's comfortable in her body. She may have her scars, but knows how to carry them. Ideally she should be around 5'9-5'10", over 200 pounds (the classic "double hourglass"), have long blond hair with hazel eyes, look good (to me) in vinyl, and love showing her legs off, in tights and otherwise. It also helps if you have a taste for trash 80s culture, and your childhood was dysfunctional enough that some of your fondest memories include shows like the Magic Garden.


I'm seeking Romance and a Committed Relationship w/ a Slutty Nympho - 46


Here's the deal for cute women only -- I'll drive to your neighborhood. It can be almost anywhere: Manhattan, Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn ... even Bay Ridge! :)
We can park the car nearby, or, I can pick you up and we can drive around. I have a very clean and comfortable 2003 BMW.
Either way, we'll play some good tunes on my iPod and you can jerk me off. Nothing more!! A very fun adventure without getting too crazy.
I'm 29 y.o., a white, straight male, well-educated, well-employed and sport a very generous "package."

A very fun adventure indeed. I love that this guy thinks his cock is so money that women will be willing to come out of their apartments in the bitter cold and jerk him off in his car, just, you know, because. Generally I think women actually get paid to do that in your car though. I believe they're called, um....oh yeah, hookers.Wow. I think I just peed on myself.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

Just received a check for over $500.

Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them about how much you can earn by taking paid surveys online...

So I show them a video of myself getting paid over $500 for taking paid surveys.