Well, it had to happen sometime. Christmas passed so calmly and happily that I had to drop my basket and have a good freakout for New Years.
Now granted, some of this can be attributed to the fact that I've spent the last several days walking the plank over the roiling crimson sea. And now that I've dived in (anyone not get that high school metaphor? Come ON, people, tampons), I am seeing a bit more clearly. But jeez-us. Emotions running high as a blistering fever in August.
On the first day of '08 I felt shocked into a state of clarity and terror about my life. I know this is partly (well, probably mostly) because this is the first time in years (or perhaps, like, ever) when I'm staring out into the wild, wide open space of a brand new year, and I have no idea what to expect. It's completely blank. And the hugeness of that is swallowing me whole. What to do? I'm open to suggestions. The breezy, laid-back Kristin would just say, hey man, just let it come. Whatever's meant to be will be. Go with it, life is a journey, a learning experience. But unfortunately, neurotic, control-freak Kristin seems to be dominating this morning and she's saying, "Fuckin' shut up, Hippie Kristin! Go with the flow??? Not even!!! What's going to happen to you???!!!"
There is no Magic Eight Ball this year. Shake it up, ask it a question, get a little direction. This year's a totally blank page. I'd probably be doing myself a favor to try and view this as a gift rather than a burden. To shift my perspective, if I at all can.
Well, that's just where I'm at for the moment. I want so much to look into 2008 with hope and serenity but the truth is I'm really, really scared. I think I just need to step back and have some faith. Let the chips fall where they may. Hands off the wheel, man. Letting someone else drive today.
4 days ago