Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Ouch

Last night I let go of something really beautiful. I had to, because it was the best thing for me. For my growth and my self-esteem and my sense of self-worth and I had to do it in order to continue on this journey that I'm just beginning.

Wow, it hurts though. This is the first time in my life I think I've ever made this kind of decision--chosen me over something or someone that feeds me, fills a void inside me. What I did was make a decision to look inside myself to find out why that frickin void is there in the first place. Anyway, life has seemed to make decisions for me up till now. But I'm trying to change that. I'm still getting used to tottering around on these new legs.

I said, "I have to be alone."
A wise man told me, "You're not alone, Kristin. You'll never be alone."
And I told him, "I know that. I don't mean I have to be alone. I mean, I have to be with myself."

Here goes...

8 comments:

Memphis Steve said...

I don't know exactly what's happened, but then I only just got here.

Krissyface said...

Thanks for your comment, Steve. Good to have you here. If you keep comin' back I promise you there will be light shed on all that seems to be confusing...
PS your blog rocks

Lovebabz said...

Listen,

You are your own best cheerleader and you know your heart and soul better than anyone. Be still and get out of your own way. God's handiwork is divine. Keep the faith!

Chele said...

hi, I know how hard it is to let go of something beautiful for you own growth,it hurts so much, to have a void. Pretty much there myself. I really hope you can find out what is missing and fill up that void, its such a painful emptiness of nothing.
wish you the best!!

Sproactually said...

Lonely and being by your self are two very different things. Learning to be by yourself is not hard, nor is it easy. I always have grand plans, but in the end I tend to read.


btw, the I am not a Long Island transplant, Farmingdale is where I went to college, back when they still burned coal for heat. I was born in, and still live in the Hudson Valley. I was born in a 16 bed hospital in Mahopac NY, one of the few, other than the Indians that can lay claim to that. Went to school on Long Island, Started working in Yorktown Heights, moved to Kent when I got married, then to Dutchess county, to Poughquag, and to Millbrook when I divorced. Moved to Ulster county when I purchased the sprawling estate I now refer to as the Highland Palace.


I also corrected the shortcoming of not having an E-mail address, some day I'll even spiff my blog, its my 3rd. I wind up deleting them after some stupid episode that i wind up regretting, but do learn from.

Krissyface said...

Babz and Chele,
Thank you so much for your kind words! I feel better already.
xo
Kristin

Cap'n said...

You are beautiful. Alone, lonely or together.

jeremy said...

whenever i say things like "i have to be with myself," i'm usually talking about masturbation.