Monday, January 14, 2008

I'm going to pay for this with the worst gas pains

I am so freaking gross. Why do I continually do this to myself? I have no self control when I walk into the giant food court at my job; the variety of options is overwhelming and stressful enough to bring forth a massive seizure. I just wanna get all Augustus Gloop and start dipping both hands into the chocolate river---I cannot stop myself! Sushi! Ravioli station! Pizza station! Salad Bar! Starbucks!

So, salad. Yes, I'll have a salad. There. Problem solved, right? Wrong. Here are the contents of the salad I just consumed:

romaine lettuce
black beans
string beans
butternut squash
dried apricots
romano cheese
dried onion rings
calamatta olives

I knew eating it that I'd pay for it by 3 pm with an atrocious gas bubble in my belly. It just tasted...wrong. But I have no control! It all looks so good I just need to EAT.IT.ALL. Lord, save me from my ownself.


Sproactually said...

Well, I umm… am sorry for your anticipated gas pains. But did want to thank you for stopping by and leaving me a “kickass” comment. I’m afraid now I’ll have to add another blog to my list of reads. I never realized that people that went to New Paltz ever left.

Sproactually said...

Oh man... a double comment, this could be bad juju...

No, I did'nt go to New Paltz, I went to Farmingdale. Exit 49-S on the LIE. I just happen to live in the next town over from New Paltz.

And no, I didn't actually succeed in removing any blacktop, but if I was a science experiment the conclusion would read that my clavicle and scapula gave way long before the asphalt. And the root cause was as the police report indicates, the operator of vehicle #1 dismounted his motorcycle.

Some days suck more than others.